i need to get to the point where motivation comes from within

crash

Sometimes you'd rather be knocked out than have to be conscious for the whole aftermath. But that's for the lucky ones. Usually, you hit your head hard enough to make you want to rip out your hair... and then you notice what kind of condition the rest of your body's in and it strikes you (no pun intended) how much of a mess you have to deal with.

It can't be that bad. Maybe I need a major dose of sunlight.