All of this is building up. I really hope it all melts away when the time comes... this nervous energy and anxiety, an uncanny awareness of my shortcomings, and the weariness that comes with any major event. I have no doubt that it's all worth it. I just hope I can enjoy it while it's still happening.

I've been having a revelation of sorts.

I'm a bridge.

Trying to find my place in this 1.5th generation. Not willing to adapt fully to the 2nd generation, yet too far removed from anything 1st generation.

Trying to be the thread that holds together the fabric of my family. Not just the people in it, or how they're related, but the collective soul of my family. I just can't piece it all together myself.

Trying to join my spiritual side to my not-quite-so-spiritual life. I can't hold on to everything at once.

Trying to figure out why I can't bring myself to vote Republic despite my strong faith. Oh wait, guns kill people, tax cuts for the rich don't help the people who need it, and social programs are more important to me than big business. Abortion is a whole other deal though. There is value in all life. Unborn, American, Iraqi, Middle Eastern, soldiers, politicians, and everyone else. What have we bought into?

Trying not to let go my youth, but being careful not to stop growing. I've got an old-school mentality about many things, but I'm not afraid to embrace new ideas.

I can't help but feel I'm being pulled apart sometimes.