Thursday, December 16, 2004

The wind is restless.

Up at 8 am to the ever growing monotony that is my room. Never quite finding the motivation to drive to and pay for parking at the "happiest place on Earth" to sell two tickets I should have gotten off my hands far too long ago, I was relegated to fishing out someone who be willing to take advantage of a favorable exchange, yet not without a price. Long I waited before taking some action, yet fittingly on the last possible day. Why I held on to the tickets so long? I don't really know for myself, much less know enough to be able to elaborate in word, but moving on towards home-bittersweet-home I remembered way back--that I was wishing I would find someone willing to slide one of those tickets through the ticket reader... and with myself doing the same right behind. It's one of those places that always seems to ask the question of what kind of company you bring. Having just a pair of tickets tends to limit your options. So a deal is what I made, knowing someone would enjoy the experience more than I would. At least at this point in time. I'd spent more time on the phone tonight than the past few weeks combined, more than 20 calls in all, but the more restless I became as I made my way through my phone numbers, from 'A' to 'W.' I would have gone all the way to 'Z,' but I didn't have any 'Z' names. There must have been a thing about not picking up phone around 11 pm that I didn't know before, but I'll be sure to remember. After a while it started to feel like rejection, but in part, I just didn't want them to go to waste. This journey brings me back to the place I used to know, but so much is different I don't know if I could live here anymore, in this city at least. The calm of the twinkling buildings was enough to keep my mind off of that thought for a while. Catching a glimpse of a more rare light, falling from the sky, a star disappeared into darkness and had me thinking of what to make of all this...

And though I'll never understand it, I'm trying to have faith in the plan. And trying to open something. Be it a window, a door, an eye, my mind, or my heart.

I'm not dreaming.

What I mean to say is I'm not sleeping. Yet.

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