open the window

this is ugly
i feel ugly
inside and out
i don't know whether it's more inside or more out

give me stronger shoulders
even though i can't stand
my shoulder gives out on me right when i think i'm ready for the world
i'm really struggling to feel any kind of normal
not only a fish out of a water
a fish in the desert
i'm dry

my feet get blisters
maybe to make up for my weakness
i demand more of my feet
and now it hurts to walk
forget running

if i have communication problems
it's either because you're not hearing this
or i'm not really saying anything
but my throat is hoarse already
from shouting inside my head
things so sharp they cut away at me
hemorrhaging the life out of me

the same blood that spill on the carpet
the same blood i saw that thursday morning
i can't always stop the bleeding

blessed and broken
could it be that it's my vision that need repairing?
because i can only see the brokenness right now?

how much of this is a worthless exercise?
and how much have i put on myself
thinking i was man enough to handle this
i've wasted enough time trying to understand

i'll walk it off
my my flat, blistered feet
until i can't hear my voice in my head anymore
and i'll run back
bacause it's all i know

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