I'm feeling a little depressed lately. I think I'm in a rut actually. Something's not right with me, or I'm just too out of it feel normal. For a guy that has a lot to write about, I don't really say that much. Almost like a social-introspective imbalance. There are certain things you don't just tell anyone at any time. My problem is, whatever I want to talk about never comes up with anybody. I get the feeling that everybody's caught up in their own thing. But maybe that's just me. I don't think it helps that my sleep schedule is screwed to hell (walk up at 9, fall asleep again till 1, eat, fall asleep at 2, wake up at 5). By then, everyone's beginning to wind down while I'm only starting my "day." And after midnight, I go home and the roommates are either sleeping or in their rooms with the doors closed. Not very inviting. Plus you tend to talk to people less online past your early college years. This all amounts to a big helping of self-imposed solitary.

I need to wake up in the mornings.

I wonder if this is common for college seniors to feel this way. I'm sort of a special case in that sometimes, even though I truly want to be a part of something, once in a while I find myself wanting to be on the outside again, looking in. It's hard to explain, but I guess you could relate it to how getting a present. The anticipation can be the best part of receiving something, yet when it's opened, there's a sense of disappointment. I'm definitely not trying to say that I'm ungrateful or resentful or anything, but maybe I was expecting something else. Do you follow me? I'm keeping this a little abstract. Thinking more about it, maybe I just miss things the way they were before. A lot of things seemed better not too long ago. It reminds me of my theory that the incoming classes of freshmen get less and less involved and enthusiastic about everything and are more inclined to keep to themselves. I don't mean to offend or discourage any of you active kids, but damn, things have changed. It's like I'm part of a dying breed. I really want to see the fire and determination in people around me. Not just because I feel off of it, but because it makes it seem like what you do as part of the older generation is worthwhile. Damn, sounds like I'm past my prime already. I still have it somewhere. Once in a while I feel this awesome hunger to do something.. anything. I'll have to let that explode and start something one of these days. I'm tired of feeling like I'm wasting time. All I need now is a focus. And possibly some inspiration.