Since it's already 2:41 I've decided to write this entry with my eyes closed. Not that it matters, but I apologize in advance for any difficulties you might have in reading my shpeel.

Life can be so paradoxical sometimes. Things would be easier on my soul if I didn't believe in God. Except I do believe in God, which brings an inherent complexity and ironically, a sublime simplicity to my life. Knowing of my human faults and desires, where do I draw the balance between my own life and the life I try to live in God's name? Can I even begin to mesh this disgustingly materialistic existence with my soul? It doesn't help that I love cars and can appreciate quality in things. I paid two hundred bucks to buy myself a decent suit, but two hundred bucks to the man on the street (the only one I ever really see around Costa Mesa or Irvine) or a woman on skid row is a dream. A godsend. Who am I to squander it? Why should I continue to accept this curse only to make someone else richer? Because I'm a slave on my landlord and credit card companies? How much is ours to waste and how much should we pass on? I was never sure. No, it can't buy hapiness, but it can bring help. Or food even. Shelter, perhaps? I don't think capitalism is working for the best of us... those who haven't been spoiled by it.

This train is stopping here.