Even though I slept at 6 and had to get up at 9, and even though I usually lag like no other leaving the house in the morning, and even though there was plenty of stuff I should have done before I went to bed (like laundry and getting my props together) I still managed to get to campus for spirit rally preparations at 10:07. I think I needed to prove to myself that I can be as reliable as I believe I should be. I also wanted to set a good example, instead of being the perennial slacker. I thought there'd be people waiting for me already, and I was racing down the freeway, but I was the first one there... but that's just the sort of work ethic I want to have again. First to arrive, last to leave.

Preparations went slowly, waiting for everyone to arrive and rehearse skits and whatnot. Em kept telling me I am the brother God didn't give her... or was it the brother God didn't want her to have?!?!? I think she's right though, because I don't see her as I do other friends, but she's one of the closest friends to being family that I know, someone I never feel awkward talking to, maybe because of how far we go back, although we were never really close until college. But that says a lot... I'm not an easy person to be close to.

I left practice to go pay fees for kababayan so I could be in the senior suite and took Roma along so we could promote a little bit for the rally. I left with a bad taste in my mouth. We both got looks and attitude, just for passing out flyers. Saying no is one thing, but some of them acted as if we didn't belong there. Roma's partner for her suite starting bitching to her about not being at practice (because she was helping with the rally) and making a big deal about her commitment to PCN. Whoa. Maybe doing what you believe in isn't more important than one PCN practice. Maybe not making one PCN practice means you don't respect Pilipino culture. Or maybe some people's priorities are mixed up. Maybe some people have a Pilipino Complex or something. But then again, maybe people with different priorities shouldn't be in PCN. It's great that they find our culture important enough to devote their time to learning their dances, but to turn a pig-headed ego-tripping self-righteous person into a cultured pig-headed ego-tripping self-righteous person is almost a wasted effort. Many stereotypes go around about Filipinos, like how they're very hospitable and welcoming, or about how they love taking pictures, or how they have a light-hearted nature. Of course, there are far more negative stereotypes, some which we can't shake... like being prideful to the point of arrogance and ignorance. Is PCN more important that how you interact with people, especially when you share the same cultural and ethnic background? Has it come to the point again where I should feel ashamed at times to be Filipino because certain Filipinos have forgotten that culture and ethnicity are more about your state of mind and your roots than a cultural dance routine you perform once a year? I know that those few people do not represent my culture, but for the people who interact with them, Filipino or not, they are representatives, ambassadors, diplomats... so why the hostility towards two unwilling outsiders? I hope that what I experienced from those few people is simply a misunderstanding, just an isolated episode, but I have a nagging feeling that the problem is rooted in something deeper. There were at least a few people didn't shrug me off like I was unfit... hopefully I meet more before PCN is over... or before I just stop going. I really feel the need to become more culturally aware, and I think PCN would help in some way, but I'm not going to surround myself with negativity to do it.