The truth can set you free...

...but when good enough isn't where I want to be, at what point do I say I've had enough? If you always reach for the moon and miss, you may end up in the stars... but you've still never reached the moon. So you wonder if anything is worth it. And all you can do let go of your pride, block out your insecurities...

... and do something.

Happiness is never a destination, only part of the journey.

Growth is a truly humbling experience.

Oh Praise the Lord (Cristina Maaba?!?!?! -- says Joyce). Our grand schemings worked. As John Conner and the T-1000 staved off Judgement Day, 17 Madrona has survived it's greatest threat yet: T-Rosie. The Rosinator.

All we have to do now is move the desks back...
and the comps...
take my clothes out of the dryer/washer...
bring back the mattresses from jon's apt...
and the fridge...
...
Oh Thank God. We don't have to move!!

Judgement Day is tomorrow.

For 17 Madrona. Villa Rentals will determine whether our attempts at making a 6 person apt look like a 3 person apt have succeeded. We put a lot of work into it... split one bunk, move two desks and one comp, made a lot of clothes disappear, rented a moving truck, stashed 4 mattresses and some box springs plus a couch and a fridge over at Danao's apt. I really hope this works. I don't know if I can stand moving again.

Why is it that sometimes my world seems to grow so large that it crushes you into insignificance? And yet other times you can learn something that makes it seem that I could step over my world and just find myself in the universe... space...

... and then I look at the people around me and once again I'm just one of many.

It think sometimes it really is all in my head.

It never stops. The thinking. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's not always great. A few people say I talk in slow-mo. I think it's because I'm trying to sort out what I'm trying to say in some coherent structure. Otherwise, I wouldn't have time to breathe.

So breathe.

Take your time.

Where am I?

Friday to Sunday
After much anticipation and anxiety, the LOG retreat got off the ground. First things first though. People gotta eat. GP drove and we picked up Dufran and rolled to Costco. $110 later, we split up and met back at Albertson, where we spent another $70. So $180 for everyone's food for a weekend. I think it works out to less than $3 a meal, including drinks and all that extra stuff. Good deal.

Our 4 pm meet up time turned into 6 pm... one stop at Albertsons (again) plus another one at Target... then we had to find the passengers we lost (or they lost us) when they cruised the aisles at Albertson's for snacks. Around 6:45, we finally get a move on...
Jamboree north...
261 N...
241 S...
... south?????
Mel swears it was the Pringles. Shelby does too.
We get a little rearranged and I take the lead, to Dufran's dismay. Shoot, I'm a safe driver no matter what mom says.
Back to Irvine.
241 S...
133 S...
5 N...
take the 55 N? Mom disagrees. And we drive on...
91 E...
45 minutes later we reach the point we would should have hit in less than 5 minutes. But it's all gravy. Cuz driving is fun.
The freeway system between Orange/LA/and San Bernardino county is great. Alternative routes galore.
71 N...
60 E...
15 N...
10 E...
... ooopps... and there NG goes...
loopdiloop...
10 W...
loopdiloop...
10 E (again)...
215 N...
30 E...
18 N... (yay for mountain roads, fast music, and 5 speeds...)
173 to Arrowhead...
one more loopdiloop...
Welcome to Mootchnik!!
I wish I could draw a map of our route...

Friday night was chill... with the obligatory massages and whatnot. I wanted everyone to stay up and just talk about whatever, but that drive took it out of all of us. Reg demonstrated her stair sledding technique (with a sleeping bag) and a few of us tried to rouse the ghosts out of that little cabin to scare the heck out of the girls. Saturday was a busy day. Early breakfast and morning hike. And to think... if we didn't have a venue, we would have been camping out in Chino Hills State Park. Then it would have been plenty more outdoors for everybody. The hike was awesome though. Oh, the stories we tell... After our deli sandwich lunch everyone passed out and it was just great feeling the exhaustion of the day lull you to sleep. Those are the best naps, when everyone seems to pass out at the same time and no matter what position you're in, you're just comfortable.

Afternoon brought the testimonial hike, which we had to continue inside the cabin because it was close to sunset. Jei led us off the path far enough to see two wolves patrolling near us. I wonder what we would have done if they actually came up to us... To learn about each other in such an open forum, I really felt privileged. For dinner I debuted raspberry vinagrette and lemon pepper baked chicken. Good stuff. If only everything I tried to cook worked out so well...

That night we were a little restless, so NG, Shelby, GP and I pulled up some chairs on the balcony and tried to check out the stars, but damn, it was a full moon. So we saw the moon. And some branches. There were maybe 4 visible stars in the sky that night. Geez. We all attempted to sleep under the stars (moon), but we couldn't hack it. Nimz stole my sleeping bag, so I ended up sleeping on the couch with no blanket. That explained my endless runny nose in the morning.

Last prayer was something to remember... for all the oooohs and the wind gusts I never felt, and screaming "WE LOVE JESUS" out in front of the cabin owners down the hill... and running back inside. We thankfully had enough room for everyone GP's car and mine. Then began the egg war. The hard boiled eggs nobody wanted.
Shelby drops the tray in my lap...
I plant the eggs with Nimz...
Nimz puts the tray on my hood...
I run back to Shelby in GP's shotgun, scratching my shin, then dumping the tray on GP's hood...
GP dumps the tray back on my hood...
I accelerate away, only to drop the eggs.
While they wait, we toss the broken eggs and keep the whole ones.
We had Leo fake them out by planting an eggless tray on their hood at the leasing office...
Meanwhile, we plotted to hit them for real at Ontario Mills. Kathleen would ask for medicine out of her bag (in GP's car), then plant an egg under each seat. We went to a backup plan when GP escorted her to his car. Dufran thought she could squeeze one through a cracked window, but just pushed a whole bunch of broken egg into the car. We were relentless though, and I placed eggs in the door handles and near the windshield wipers. We even had Arlene inconspicuously pull my car around the KFC building so they couldn't retaliate. We came around to film their reaction... which wasn't what we expected. We thought they were pissed, but really they were just playing it up so they could get us back. And so I found my car before mass, TP'ed and "egged" in a baggie, the work of those guys in the SUV. Man, prank wars are great.

After all the parking lot talk, we chilled at Shawshank and watched Signs, and then slowly knocked out while discussing ghosts, conspiracies, and mysteries. And then came the retreat withdrawls...

Behind every gray sky and dark cloud, the sun still shines.