Apparently...

laptop +
microphone +
late night at madrona =

laughing until your throat closes up

Slideshow will slay. Be slain.

nonstop

I'm in Chino for the 3rd night in 3 days. Slideshow is moving forward. My workout routine is on the backburner. I've gone from 6 meals a day to about 2.5. I've got probably 40 hours to make up from tutoring. My phone is somewhere at the Lakeview Kaiser in a cabinet or drawer or something. My car needs new brake pads, axle boots, an anti-lock brake distributor/accumulator, and the gas cap door has been unglued for at least a year now. Somehow I've got to get last year's banquet photos printed before the banquet starts.

i'm good under pressure

My brother won't wear the shirt I got him. He says it's because "he doesn't like making political statements." The shirt reads (in somewhat small print) War is not the answer.

So if that's too controversial, why not sweep it all under the rug?

Now is not the time to hold your tongue.

Stand for something.

losing it

I haven't felt tested in a while, but now I already feel like I failed.

For the second time, I lost my phone. Not because I left it somewhere, but because it feel out of my pocket. I realize this at 3:00 pm. I had work at 3:45 pm. It take at least 25 minutes to get from Chino Hills to Newport Beach with no traffic. I looked everywhere I was in the morning before finally giving up and rushing to work. 3:15 pm.

Car's in the garage. Pull out to the curb, get out hit the garage door button on the wall and run under the garage door. The garage door proceeds to hit me hard in the lower back. Turn around and it's going up again. Hit the button again, run out, but this time I trigger the lower sensor and it goes up again. Thoroughly frustrated and now aware the neighbors across the street are watching, I hit the button a third time and run out, jump, get smacked a little on my hip in the air, and turn to watch the garage door close. My neighbor said something to me (that I didn't really hear) and I wasn't in the mood to laugh, but I managed a polite "yea." Whatever the comment was.

3:17. Let out some more choice words while I bang on the steering wheel and center console. I hate cursing, but I hate losing things more.

3:27. After trying several times to get my mp3 player to spit something out, I look at the display and it tells me I have to transfer the tracks again. Happens once a month, but decides to lock everything down now. No music to calm me down.

3:34. I pass by Lakeview Medical, the only other place I could have lost my phone. If I go look for it and find it, I can call Scott's mom to let her know I'm running late. If it's not there, I would have been 10-15 late (later) than I already was. If I don't stop and look for it, I'd have to come back to check before they close, and I'd be without a phone. And I'd still be late to work without calling ahead. I watch the exit go by in the passenger side window.

3:35. Ten minutes before Scott's bus shows up, and I'm not even on the 55 yet.

3:45. Barely in Santa Ana. More traffic to contend with before I hop on the 73.

3:57. Scott's sitting near the curb at the bus stop, lets me know his mom's on the way. Says he tried calling my phone, but someone else picked up, said it was the radiology department.

4:01. Scott's mom shows up, I apologize and tell her what happened. Then she asks about my situation and I tell her for the first time while Scott's there listening. Not that I didn't want to talk about it, but I didn't feel like breaking down right there in front of Scott and his mom. My boss. But she was gracious enough to give me the day off.

This would have been another aggravating incident by itself, but compounded with the triple digit heat, my very low heat tolerance, my sleepiness, the gravity of my situation, and the fact that I really have no more excuses for misplacing my phone, I couldn't take it anymore.

My phone is with the admin lady at the radiology department at Lakeview. I have the rest of the day off. I took a nice cold shower. But the situation is the same...

I still feel helpless as ever in this.

exasperated

I'm getting weary of fighting things. Whatever it is, let it be.

I'll handle it.

Or it'll handle me.

The roots only go so deep. Turn over the soil, and there's a new depth to the world. The turning over is the worst part though.

it's my turn

compromise

Why can't we reach some middle ground on this? Sacrifice a lot to gain almost nothing, or sacrifice a little and lose very little? It's hard arguing with deaf ears. The hardest part to accept is that the decision's been taken out of my hands. There are no cards left to play. It looks like I lose.

my time

This is my time. This is my only time. I'm done wasting it.

I should be away from this computer by now, but things conspire against me. I didn't wake up at 8 today. I woke up at 10. I figure though... yesterday I woke up at 5:30 and I didn't have my alarms on last night when I fell asleep, so technically I didn't oversleep. Plus, my average wake up time is still 8 am over the last 5 days. Basketball anyone?

Last year I was in Mammoth with some old-school Loggers. Wait, I'm one of them. Again... Why am I still in my apartment?

Yesterday during one of my naps I dreamt that my car was hijacked by my boss. I woke up today with another crazy dream that I forgot by the time I had my bowl of Kashi (Mon)GoLean Crunch in front of the keyboard. Damn. I had a long period without remembering any dreams. Is that a good or bad thing?

It smells like Memorial Day outside (grilled meat). A third time... Why am I still in my room?

I don't know what to think about some things. I should play it all by ear.

Stupid Miami Heat. Argh, I guess it gives Detriot some motivation. Wade doesn't like Shaq either. Wade is a cool guy.

I've gotta get outta here.

invitation

Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes you're oblivious.

Four days now. Blogroll + morning consciousness.

It's been a long weekend. Literally and figuratively. Still one more day though.

Finish strong.

I want to play H-O-R-S-E again. With a video camera.

I want to throw myself a belated birthday party. It'll be a busy week though. I dunno. Spon-1080 here we go.

Where is my phone? I don't know if it's at Penny's house or in Chris's car or Mel's car or Slick's truck or dropped on the ground somewhere. Ack. Maybe I should put this in perspective.

It sucks.