We played against each other like puppets,
swearin you got pull
when the only pull you got is the wool over your eyes...
Look in the skies for God,
what you see besides the smog
is broken dreams flying away on the wings of the obscene...
It's a paradox we call reality

Talib Kweli - Respiration

I feel like I lost something. There's always the possiblity that I still have it somewhere. Have I just simply overlooked it, or is it too indistinguishable from everything else I have that there's almost no difference any more? Only time will tell.

“It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely." Leo Buscaglia

Man, I just had a crazy ass dream. I even woke up to my alarm. The sad part is I don't remember one thing about my dream. All I remember is I felt some sense of urgency; that I had to do something. Maybe I was a secret agent or something. At least I woke up early. 15 hours and counting.

I woke up before noon. I hope I can keep it up. Hehe.

There were several new developments in my life today.
- I finally registered for the August MCAT. That gives me a little over 4 weeks to study like no other. I'm probably looking at 6 hours a day of quality time with the MCAT study books. More bad news: had I registered a week earlier, right after my parents gave me some money to offset the cost of the test, I would have saved $50, the late fee for registration. Procrastination does not pay.
- The body shop has got the parts for my car and they're beginning to smooth them down and get them fitted.
- I got my financial aid statement today. Even though I'm only eligible for one more quarter's worth of the Cal Grant (basically free tuition), I received another grant to cover the rest of my fees, plus some left over. That translates into $700 a month for my living expenses. After loans and whatnot. I need some cashflow now.

Melissa bailed on our HSO planning meeting. That meant no beach, but it was cloudy anyway. I spent the extra time burning some papers. I don't have a shredder yet, so I just took a big stockpot and burned everything. It was a good 3 pounds of mixed paper, so it took maybe an hour and a half to burn it all to ashes. I sat there with rubbing alcohol to keep it burning, some BBQ to pull out the unburned papers, and a bucket of water in case the wind picked up and somehow the house caught on fire. I watched some TV, worked out, bought some milk, went home to pick up some letters and more groceries (it's always nice when your parents offer you a trunkload of food) and headed back to my place. Funny how that all adds up to 15 hours.

Going home I saw a nasty looking collision on the 91. There weren't even any police or ambulances there yet, so I got a good look. From what I saw, a civic hit a mustang pretty hard from the rear. And the mustang ended up on top of the civic. The back wheels of the mustang were all the way up on the middle of the civic's roof. Crazy. It didn't look like anyone was seriously hurt though. I read about the driver (85 years old I think) who crashed through Farmer's Market when I got home. Turns out he mistook his accelerator for his brakes. When he didn't stop, he just stepped on the gas harder; he probably topped out at 60 MPH. When he finally stopped, there was a dead lady on the hood of his car and another lady he dragged underneath his car. He seemed calm, just disoriented and confused. It scares me to think drivers like that are out there. Drivers over 75 are 3 times more likely to be involved in a fatal collision than drivers over the age of 25. I'm not being discriminatory, but you can't ignore facts. They should really change the driver's test to include mandatory freeway driving and accident avoidance. They should have some kind of emergency situation training also. I think police should ticket drivers who can't change lanes safely if their lives depend on it, because literally, they do. And not just their own. It's bad enough worrying about drivers who don't get the pedals right. It's not like insurance companies won't profit either by taking dangerous drivers off the road. All that money that disappears in traffic collisions could help build a bomb ass public transportation system.

I didn't do much today, but it feels like I did something. That's the great thing about working out. Forty minutes on the ellipticals, five on the rower, fifteen playing racquetball with... myself, and some light lifting. I don't like it when I just louge around in the house all day. The less I do, the lazier I get. I'm going to go to bed before 1:30 and maybe I'll wake up around 9:30 and start studying for the MCAT, and looking for a job, while cleaning around the house in the meantime. It's this exciting life I lead. I guess if ever there's a time to be lazy, it's now.

The incident in Santa Monica where the driver plowed through Farmer's Market and killed 8 people is tragic. I don't have any other word for it. One eyewitness said the car was actually accelerating as it tore through the crowds. I just hope it was all a freak occurence, as the driver may have had a heart attack or stroke. It's getting harder and harder to feel safe driving. Or even being around cars. God bless and keep the victims.

The state of the nation is sickening right now. Not that it should ruin your day, or your life for that matter, but it's not helping right now. I wish the republic actually worked i.e. represented the will of the majority while honoring the wishes of the minority. One would think that means doing what's best for everyone. I would pay money to debate GW Bush on television, to ask him to clarify exactly why he's ravaging Iraq... the economy... overtime pay... tax relief for the lower classes... Sometimes I think I could be a politician, but politics don't always translate into results. Consciousness is the first step. Unfortunately, like consciousness, ignorance and indifference go a long way.

Liberation. Peace.

Things have a habit of making themselves more complicated. Turns out Pablo (the guy who hit me last Sunday) doesn't have a valid driver's license. On top of that, he was driving his wife's car, and he wasn't on the insurance policy which is in his wife's name. He's basically screwed. It might end up being an out of pocket expense to cover for the estimated $2900+ in damages. Yikes. Worse for him is that he already works two jobs which he has been driving to on an expired/suspended/or nonexistent license with no insurance. I really feel bad for the guy, because you just don't go around working two jobs with no license/insurance if you can afford to live comfortably. There's not much I can do now, because the body shop just started repairs and my insurance company is already involved. I can only hope this doesn't impose a massive financial burden on him. On the other hand, it is extremely important to have careful, competent, financially responsible drivers on the road, or else it would be chaos out there every day. I heard 75% of people who have their licenses supspended or revoked still drive... and 10% of all drivers on the roads after midnight are intoxicated... not to mention all the crazy people in SUVs who don't give a damn about any other car on the road, the people falling asleep at the wheel, and everyone on their cell phones/pulling on makeup/reading maps/reading newspapers or just plain whack ass drivers. I'm definitely in favor of revamping the whole driver's license exam. Damn. Bad drivers suck.

Highlights (like the magazine) and whatnot
- good conversation with my roommate (about parents and their ineptitude/insanity)
- trying to resolve an argument about some girl's ability to run 5 miles in 45 minutes. That comes out to about 6.67 miles an hour, or consistent 8min 35sec mile times. By the end I was willing to bet money she could do it just to end the debate.
- seeing Liwanag again, after a two-week absence
- missing the offramp for my other roommate's birthday dinner by more than 5 miles
- eating good Mexican food with the roommates, and chowing down on sesos (cow brains... it was a dare)
- missing the onramp on the way back home, twice (you'd get lost too if you were driving through that area, I swear. Are there no normal freeway onramp systems in Santa Ana?)
- a driver who actually acknowledged he did something stupid. I was ready to write him off as a whack ass driver too...
- eating cake and laughing about our last year in the house, watching Signs on satellite

I hate arguments. I couldn't say why I get so involved when I come across a bad argument. There are few things more frustrating than arguing with someone who can't accept when you may be right. That's what happens when you argue with most kids and even some adults. People can be damn stubborn sometimes. Why did I spend alomst an hour reading post on some website arguing about what's better: horsepower or torque. I don't know. Not that I care much, because I feel I have a decent grasp of both sides of the matter. It's just that I like to see things argued out. I guess I wanted to see some intelligent person rip some ignorant person's argument to shreds. Perhaps that's why legal dramas are so intriguing. You want to root for who's right, and you can't help feeling good when the "good guys" make a rock-solid case. Man, I could debate something for hours on end. There are times I have to tell myself not to start arguing something or I'll never hear the end of it, ironically because oftentimes the debate is over something so trivial it's laughable.

Like whether the word "couple" refers to only a set of two items, or if it's a more flexible word which can refer to two or more items.

Or whether torque is more important that horsepower in a fast car.

Or which basketball team is going to win the championship next year.

Or who's really at fault. Really.

Why is it that people hate being wrong?

I found myself laughing out loud watching this movie About A Boy wih Hugh Grant. I don't know why I'm watching it though. Usually I don't find myself laughing out loud at things,unless I'm IMin someone, so I guess it was real comic genius. There's a part in the movie whree Hugh's character is stuck at this kid's houuse with his single mother (who is incidentally crazy) playing Killing Me Softly on the piano. I guess you'd have to watch it to understand, but it's not obviously uproarious. It's more tongue-in-cheek humor. I love tongue-in-cheek humor. I guess you could say that's the mark of good writing. Of course, you need good acting too. Or maybe movies are funnier when you're watching by yourself, and when you don't expect something funny, but then you start laughing... it's great.

Reminds me of yesterday when I was watching Frailty, which is based on a Stephen King novel. I actually watched it in the theater, and I was anticipating one of the craziest parts in the movie, and I knew exactly when it was coming... and I knew sort of how the part went, but not exactly. When the part came up though, it actually surprised me again. Hehe, I always make fun of girls when they get freaked out at movies they've already seen and haven't forgotten, buyt I think it's another case of good writing. And direction. And acting too.

Aaah. Simple pleasures. Cruising with the windows down. Eating with friends. A cool shower. The right song at the right moment. Thank God for moments like these.

If only I could get my car back so I don't have to listen to the radio anymore. I'm getting tired of commercials and the usualy heavy rotation of played out music. Two and a half more weeks...

Another reason to take care of your business: missed oppportunites really suck. I could have had a good roommate situation for next year had I not assumed anything. Always go to the source for information.

Lazy days. Dreams make you lazy too because you want to sleep longer and figure out what the hell you're dreaming about. Today I dreamt about the beach. I went there with my roommates and later I showed my brother how long I could hold my breath. I think I hit two minutes under the waves until I woke up. I think I was actually holding my breath while I was sleeping. Strange. I had a dream before that one, but I don't remember it.

Highlights of my day:
working out
feeling the soreness trying to lift 4 potatoes.
cooking honey mustard chicken, scalloped potatoes, butter baked potatoes, and some broccoli
laughing about the sick sticks in Minority Report
looking at the kitchen nice and clean (it hasn't been in a week)

I actually have work tomorrow. I think it's only for 25 bucks though, with the AME church. I can't complain though. Gotta pay the bills somehow.
I need a job.
And a place to live next year.
And roommates.

Peace.