Yikes, too much sleeping in. I feel so lazy.

I watched Lauren and Debbie try to wash their cars today. It was pretty funny. If there's one thing my parents taught me well, it is how to clean. I could have made a nice fingerprint record from the dirt on her door. I figure if you're going to clean something, don't be satisfied with a half-ass job. That's one of my pet peeves, when something is only partially cleaned. It's like when people take showers and come out with the crap still in their eyes. They also cleaned out the fridge our friend Doug gave away. It's a nice 18 cubic incher with an icemaker. I think it would be great where I live next year, with 5 other roommates, but I don't think any offer I make for it will persuade Lauren to part with it. Mel has a fridge though, so I guess it just wasn't meant to be. A free fridge though... if I had a truck, it would have been mine. Whatever. I just have having to repack the fridge every time someone buys food. It's such a pointless chore.

I felt really restless after not doing anything all day, so I cooked enchiladas. I wish I could afford to cook more often. I stuck with trying to make different varieties of chicken and ground beef. It's one of those cost prohibitive things I just love doing... like photography... biking... buying shoes... upgrading my computer... paying rent... no, I hate paying rent. Right after I sampled my food, I went to the Days First Friday vigil. It's been a while since I've gone, and I think it really helped me straighten things out in my head. There's just too much stuff going on that you need to get back to yourself and reevaluate what you're doing. I didn't get to hang out with PUSO board at Saddle Ranch, but I think I was already past due for some spiritual investment. We all wanted to do something afterwards, but we couldn't figure anything out. I guess it was for the best since I'm taking a practice MCAT with Joe in about 6 hours. Fun, fun, fun! I hope I wake up, because now it's either I wake up on time, or I just sleep in. 7 am is fast approaching...

Man, it was a great day today. I woke up to my alarm at 9, but fell asleep and woke up again to Malcolm (the cat) chewing on a string. Six inches from my face. Silly cat needs to chew with his mouth closed. I needed to be up anyway, as I was late to my HSO meeting (again). Just as I was about to get dressed, my mom called to list off the things she wanted me to do that day. She always loves doing that. 15 minutes later I wash up, throw on some clothes and drive over to University Center. I grabbed a chicken garlic and we actually took care of business pretty well. It's great when you can be productive while still maintaining that nonchalant exterior.

I was walking to my car and bunso (Kathee) is sitting behind a window doing the hand reach thing behind glass. Haha. I sit down and she tells me she's in Irvine because she's practicing the train and bus routes from La Mirada to Irvine. Somehow we cover all sorts of random subjects like: nutrition, unlucky Corona, roommates, eating too much fish, sleeping in class, professor Maximillain Seifert, being grossed out, upending tables...

I called Reg to apologize for not hanging out and it turns out she's eating, so I give bunso a ride and we join 25A + GP at CPK by Fatburger. I didn't even know there was a CPK there until today. The hostess girl was holding the door for someone to leave and I was about to walk in, but she just lets the door go. I was a little speechless at the time, but I should have said "thanks" or something. Whatever. She held the second door though. Ghetto as I am, I pulled out the rest of my chicken garlic and a soda I grabbed from my trunk (both of which I had bunso sneak in with her purse), but the sandwich was too cold and I asked for a water (actually I made Fran ask for a water for me). The pizza was great, even better because I didn't buy it. I wasn't expecting much from the wild mushroom, but it was da bomb. We got the bill and it was about $107. Damn. That's just 7 people. I wonder how much we spend on eating out in a year. I'll bet it's in the 2 grand range.

I had to leave for an Alyansa meeting back at campus, so I gave bunso a ride back and she put 2 quarters in the meter and then stuck one more after I put two more in. Crazy bunso. Then she checked my car to make sure the doors were locked. What a bunso. At least she drives. Hehe. I got the logistics for the freshmen mailers figured out and rolled home. Something got me to stat studying for my MCATs, so I started a practice test online and surprised myself that I still knew stuff. Wow. I showered and left to go to choir practice...

but when I got there, Interfaith was empty. I sat down and studied a bit and then started calling people... Joyce... GP... Joyce... Leo... Joyce... GP... Leo... oh, he's not going... Joyce... GP... oh, it's not at 5:30, it's at 7:30. Great. Two hours to kill so I went over to my future residence to chill and study with Minority Report in the background. I even got to see Noreen and Jon there. It's going to be great having visitors. I never have visitors over here. We leave for practice around 7:30, but not before I take a little nap. It's not everyday I wake up and do things.

Practice was good. I think I found my voice again. It's been missing since I haven't been using it much, not coming out early enough to sing for mass. I hate when it gets like that, because it's almost like I'm stuck in a box and I can't stretch. If you have something, you should use it. Not that I have a great voice, but I have one. So I should use it. I couldn't help but crack up every time Beej did his Joyce-inspired ugly dance. Too funny. Damn UCI parking and transportation though for ticketing "the rental" at 9 pm on a Thursday. Bastards.

After practice I headed over to Tapioca Express. With the $18 bucks we got from recycling our cans and some plastic the roommates (minus Shane) we bought boba for everyone. It's been so long since we've had a good time just chilling and talking. Usually someone is gone or sleeping or we get tired of each other and the everyday roommate crap all roommates deal with. I laughed so much my cheeks got sore.
- Martin and his problem with names (he screwed up our names maybe 7 times tonight... he even called me "honey"... haha), his tunnel vision and super-undivided attention... "so Adam... SO ADAM... What if... what if...," walking through the Spectrum after valet pushing me out of the way
- Adam and his beef with T-Mobile, mumbling, talking with Shane about the same thing every night for 8 months (the Kings, mortages, and credit cards), and a story so twisted nobody could have made it up
- Debbie and freezing baby rats that just don't die, super whiteness, trying to outsleep Malcolm (the cat), throwing up after one shot (in the sink) and then her boyfriend picking the chunks out so it could drain
- Lauren and her mom's middle finger story, spreading salmonella
- me sleeping on the couch, oblivious to Malcolm (the cat) terrorizing the couch cushions, being thrown-up on
- Shane and his underwriter stories, his serious (lack of) girl problem
I even saw Jenna, JP, and Anna-Marie there. I think I'll be hanging around TE a lot next year. I always see people there. It's always a good time too.

I drove home and Martin showed me his future residence down the street a little bit. We even saw a Malcolm (the cat) wannabe sitting in the parking lot, so we slowed down and said what's up. I'm going to miss living here. With these people. Even though there's a lot of stuff I want to get away from, I'm sure after a while all that stuff with just be more to look back on and laugh about. Thirteen more days. A new place, a new address, new roommates, new responsiblities, new job (no not really, but soon hopefully), new bumpers and a new trunk-lid (hopefully by tomorrow)... there's still plenty to look forward to. I feel so blessed.

I finally got my financial aid business squared away, but there still might be some problems with verification and whatnot because I updated my information so late. I'm scared I might lose some grant or loan money for such a minor change. I hope that just take the changes and keep everything the same. Right after that I went to ARC and saw Jimmy, Mark, and Jen there. I even saw Leo as I was leaving, so I ran a lap with him. I thought he flaked on me, but he proved me wrong. Hehe.

We had our second PUSO board meeting at my place. After getting situated, we started right on (Filipino) time. It was nice talking in the living room on the couches with music in the background. Somehow, I managed to volunteer myself to finalize the logo for the year (I hope it turns out good). Luckily, Paint Shop Pro has a 60 day trial period. When we were through with official business we all convened on the lawn and made enough noise deciding where to eat that the leasing office lady who lives across the street came out and started mad dogging us. I guess she can't do much now that we're moving out soon. No more fear of being kicked out... it's nice.

We ended up picking Yoshinoyas. I love Costa Mesa. So many places to eat. We ate and chilled inside, talking about random awkward moments, the difference between girls and guys, and laughed at Melissa, who couldn't finish her spicy burrito. After that, we ended up outside in a circle in front of the entrance and just kept talking... underwear preferences, streaking, biceps, tray boarding... I know it's going to be a great year with PUSO board. I even got some free food. Sorry I couldn't chill Reg. There's still some time...

The other side to the Kobe Bryant case:
ESPN Page 2

Who's really on trial?

Due to the distractions of last night, I ended up leaving all the groceries my mom gave me in the trunk of "the rental." I only realized it when I got hungry, around 2 pm. Man, that was stupid. Leftovers, veggies, and frozen chicken... now warm slimy chicken breasts. I was a little apprehensive about eating the leftovers, but I waited until 5 pm and I couldn't get myself to make anything, so I nuked it (chicken curry) for 6+ minutes to kill any bacteria. I also boiled the chicken breasts for 30 minutes. Now I have to find a recipie that uses cooked chicken. I hope it's safe. I don't feel like a salmonella attack. I guess if I survived the unsanitary food prep methods of my rooommates, I'll be in the clear. Who cuts cheese on a cutting board soaking with raw chicken juice and chicken fat? It must have been a bacterium's dream come true.

It seems like the summer is going to end soon. People are moving home, like Regfoo among others. Leases are expiring, people are bored, and it's not even that sunny anymore between the cloudiness and the thunderstorms. Still, it's not quite half over. I've got to live it up a little bit, but then again, I still have to make some cash flow and take the MCAT. Damn. Financial aid is coming to the rescue late September. Damn George Bush for reducing the Pell Grant.

It was like a breath of fresh air going to Liwanag today. I've been feeling stale lately, and nothing was breaking me out of it. Even when I did have fun, it wasn't for long. It's been a while since I've been able to just sit and talk with people about life. After the meeting we played a few rounds of mafia and I was mafia again. That makes it a 1 in 1000 chance that I could have been murderer/mafia for 6 rounds in a row. Who would have thought? It got to the point where anything I did was suspect. If I was quiet, I was mafia. If I was loud, I was mafia. If I was inconsistent, I was mafia. Damn it. Finally I got a chance to be a citizen again and actually won. Booyah!

We tried to convince everyone to play murderers, but Dee and Em chickened out, so everyone started leaving, but we ended up getting boba. I treated some people since I had a nice happy wallet (sometimes it pays to go home). If I wasn't in debt so much, I'd treat more often. Perhaps a job would help... Afterwards I dropped by 25A Parkwatts to pick up some stuff including my camera. I haven't used it since June or something. It's about due for some shooting.

I had two more dreams this morning. I've been having some crazy dreams lately, and they're starting to play out like movies

Dream 1
I was in the car with my family. My dad was driving and I was in the back along with my brother. I had an unopened bag of bread with me so we'd have something to eat. It was some kind of sweet bread, like cinammon bread. I had it for a while already and I didn't want it to go to waste. My brother opened it up and took some slices out and started eating. I looked at the rest of the slices in the bad and I yelled at my brother. He took the best looking slices and ate them first. It looked like a couple of the slices still in the bag had a little bit of mold on the crust, but you could pick it right off. The slices he took (he had about 5 or 6) were the best ones out of the loaf and he was eating them all.

I started going through the other slices of bread to show him how greedy he was, but when I got the next slice out of the way, there were huge spots of mold on the rest of the slices. I finally got to the second to last slice. When I pulled it out of the bag I saw some folded pieces of paper right behind it. Puzzled, I took out the papers and unfolded them. The first three were completely random, but the fourth one turned out to be a paycheck that looked like one from where I used to work at valet. I opened it up and my dad's name was written on the payee line. There wasn't any other information on it though, no dollar amount, no signature, no memo. I started tripping. How the hell did these papers end up stuck between pieces of bread in this bag? How did I end up that one of my dad's paychecks was one of the pieces of paper? (I think I was really into this dream because I remember going over all the possiblities in my head, while I was dreaming).

Dream 2
For some reason I was back in high school at Ayala. I already finished four years there, but I guess I had one more year to complete. As I was getting there, it was raining and very dark. (It was just like I remember how I'd get to school sometime and the sky was still black and all the streetlights were still on). I think I got dropped off with a bike, a beach cruiser. I had to park the thing, but there are no bike racks in front of the school, so I had to bike to the far end of campus, and I was already close to being late. The bike racks looked pretty full, but there were a bunch of parking signs with bikes locked up on them, so I locked my bike on the closest one to campus. The chain I had was really short, and barely reached around the pole and the bike, but somehow I got it locked.

I walked all the way back and my first class was PE. It was being taught by my 7th grade science teacher Mr. Booth and some other lady. We got dressed out and went outside, but it was still raining and dark, so we all huddled under the overhangs of the buildings. It turns out it was the first day of class, so Mr. Booth started telling us about all the things we'd have to do for the year. After he was done, I asked him if I had to even take the class since I already finished two years of PE (two years was the requirement in high school). He said, "That's right, you did!." He suggested that I take other classes I haven't taken before. I told him that I actually wanted to take PE again.

I think this dream has something to do with me taking 5 years at UCI, even though I probably could have finished easily in 4. I also remember thinking about how high school was so early that sometimes I'd be at school and the sun wasn't even close to rising.

There are few things that annoy me more than bad drivers. I'm writing my driver's manifesto:
- if you are going to have a conversation on your cell phone, buy a damn headset and use it
- if you want to merge into another lane, the cars in the other lane have the freaking right of way
- if you want to pass somebody, don't cut them off and brake like an idiot; speed up first, brake in your lane until the next car moves ahead enough, then squeeze in and start speeding up again
- if you're going to change lanes when you're behind a slow car, you better pass that guy; don't just clog up the faster lanes
- don't be brake happy
- stay in your own damn lane; the lines are there for a reason
- if you're thinking about weaving, don't. DON'T

That was all the stuff I picked out on my 30 minute drive home. Stupid drivers. Get a clue.

It ended up I didn't really have to go home, but I haven't been home in a while, so I just went. Things were pretty chill at home. My mom can be funny at times, like when she's not biting my head off. Both my mom and my dad seem to be hard of hearing though. I drove back here before midnight and I called home to tell them everything was cool, and my mom reverts back to "remember to..." mode. I couldn't get off the phone. From the time she says goodbye the first time, there's at least a whole minute more of stuff she has to remind me about. I think the six minute conversation could have been better said in one minute. Oh well.

I went over to Chris's place for Karen's, Ernest's, and Rod's birthday surprise thing. I can't believe it's been a year since the last one. It feels like a couple of days ago. There have been so many birthday get-togethers and whatnot lately. I'm not one to turn down an invitation either. I figure for at least one day out of the year, you should be able to go out of your way for a friend. At least.

2:24 am.

That was the loudest thunder I've ever felt. If I didn't hear anything, I would have thought it was a explosion or a 2.0 earthquake right under my house. Whoa... here comes another one. The windows sound like they're going to break soon... it sounds crazy, but I wish I could have my camera out there to catch one massive lightning bolt.

All day I've been noticing how sore I am from working out on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Actually, I wouldn't say it was soreness, but tightness. I can't touch my back with my right hand. I thought I was going to get a cramp in my right calf. I think I even tweaked my back sleeping in a funny position. All I can really do is stretch my muscles out and keep from making quick movements. A nice massage would help. Of course, I would need somebody else for a massage. Ixnay on the massage. I think I'll take it a little easy the next few days.

After mass and choir practice, I checked out my future residence. It looks like a real good situation for me. Karen, one of the temporary roommates even stopped Joyce from doing her dishes. How I'd love to hear that even once a month. Two or three days of not cleaning the kitchen and already it's a disaster area. I don't look forward to the actual moving aspect of moving out. I wish things were easier and I could just keep living here in the living room at 2511 for 91 bucks a month (up from 80), but something this good doesn't last forever. I can even remember what it's like to have a clean apartment. Somewhere between my MCAT studying and moving, I want to throw a party, have a BBQ, and play a huge game of murderers... hopefully nothing falls through.

After chilling for a while, Leo, Joyce, Mel, GP, Alvin, Kristine, and I ate at Alertos. I drove a little more spiritedly because I was in the mood for some adrenaline, but ended up scraping the underside of the car a little. Not to fear though, because "it's the rental." I spent 4 bucks. That's 4 fish tacos. It was too bad because both Alvin and I had food waiting for us elsewhere, but I was getting tired of saving money. And eating healty food. Bring the large horchata and carne asada fries! Damn, that filled me up, and I split the fries with Alvin too. Back to Irvine, and we chilled again in the apartment for a while and then headed over to Quan, Elwin, and Charlie's place. They had steak waiting for us, but we couldn't stomach any. We watched the second half of Snatch and then played some Super Smash Brothers. They really kicked my ass the first time, so they gave me a handicap and I won the next two rounds. I sucked at that game for so long I wasn't used to winning. They lowered the handicap and things went normally again, with me placing 4th. Great. It was nice just hanging out though. A nice massage would put the finishing touches on a great night.

Ok. No massage tonight. Peace.

After the troubles of the morning were over, I went over to Huntington Beach for Jei, Norman, and Margaret's birthday BBQ. I haven't been to Huntington in a while, so I ended up taking the long way around. It was nice cruising down Beach Boulevard though, with the windows down and the music bumping. I miss my car. It's not so fun driving around in the rental. I found decent parking and found them pretty easily. I remember times when I'd walk up and down the beach for 20 or 30 minutes trying to find people. I threw around the frisbee and the football until we got a volleyball game. Later some kids, maybe 7 or 8 years old, wanted to play, so we picked up two on each team. Tyler, Ty, Seth, and some other kid. They were actually pretty good for being 2 1/2 feet tall. Our team (the guys) started kicking ass, so Tyler decided to do handstands while someone else served. Funny those kids were. Their dad joined up later and we played some more. Leo and Boraccho shoowed up around 5:30, right as I had to leave because my meter ran out. They gave me the guilt trip though, and Jei joined in, so I stayed till about 6.

I trailblazed back to Costa Mesa and realized I only lived about 5 miles away. That's after I drove 15 miles to get there. When I got to CDM, a bunch of PUSO people were already leaving as I walked down to the beach. I guess I can't complain because people were there since 8:30 in the morning. We chilled for a while and then Gerald and I joined some other people for more volleyball. These guys were pretty good. Two guys were spiking it back and forth. I'm still working on that though. We played two games and had plenty of fun, talking trash and making crazy digs. The other team had a good big of one guy's face. After the game I ran on the wet sand and let the waves bury my feet as I watched Roma's cousin get torn up by the breakers.

We didn't have a fire pit, so we improvised and built a wood fire in the portable grill. It was pretty pitiful because we only had a couple of pieces of sorry looking wood. Kristine had to go ask for some wood from the people we played volleyball with. I showed my inner pyro and got the fire blazing. People were still coming around that time, so we had smores sans chocolate and chilled by the fire, taking pictures, avoiding stupid kids with random fireworks, laughing about the off-color sexual humor, and sheilding our eyes from the moon(s). People starting roasting wieners on kabob sticks and the sticks would catch on fire and snap. One fell in the sand, so I dug it out and put it on top of the fire. It looked like a pickle. A wiener pickle. People were starting to pack up and leave, so we doused the fire with ice (it's all we could find) and dumped it all into a fire pit, with the smoke killing my eyes the whole time. We had a plan to get everyone to their cars, but we still ended up standing around in the parking lot for 15 minutes... 12 minutes too long. Parking lag.

I sped over to Emily's birthday party (not the after-pre party, the actual party). It's always fun cruising back from the beach on the long open roads with the high speed limits. The party was kind of out of hand, but it took a while to build up. There was plenty of freakiness though. I grabbed some food and ate on the front step outside, away from the heat and the noise. It's weird going to a party with people you don't know. I'm sure some people love it though. It's not my thing. I went back in, but it felt like a sweaty armpit in there, so a few minutes later I was back outside. Back inside again, I sat in the living room, just talking to people and chilling... trying to talk to this one drunk girl... man it was funny. I switched chairs with someone on ended up on the couch. Little did I know that five minutes later someone would be throwing up on my shoe. Maybe it was all supposed to happen that way. Funny too, that I just met her last night at the post-pre party, and Gerald and I were trying to mess with her head about an hour previous, making her think she was drunk (even though she was, but we told her she wasn't). She was dizzy and lay down on the couch. I sat on the other side. She got up and I thought she was going to the bathroom, but just sat down again and yakked on the floor. The floor next to my foot. And her arm was pushing down on my knee, so I couldn't move it out of the way fast enough. All in all, it seems like a little stranger than mere coincidence. Luckily, I wasn't grossed out to the point of throwing up myself, but unluckily, my shoes are made of an absorbent material. Sure they're super comfortable, but not so great in the rain. At least she missed my leg. I cleaned up and peaced out, figuring that was my cue to go home.

When I got home, Doug, Doreen, and Chris were just leaving my house. They went to the fair, and were chilling inside for a while. We talked for a while outside because I hardly see them anymore. We talked about car collisions and insurance because both Chris and I were hit by other cars recently. And so I ended the night on a good note, catching up with old friends. I took a long shower to wash all the sand away and I sat at my computer, feeling my nervous heartbeat. I hope it's all normal.

I had one of the scarier moments in my life this morning. I went to bed around 3:30 the night previous, but for some reason I woke up spontaneously around 6:30. I lay in bed fully awake, hardly even groggy, and after a minute or so I felt a little pinch in my left side, between my lower ribs. I'm used to little pains like that; they would bug me if I slept on my stomach the whole night or if I lay down on something which put too much pressure on my chest. If I tried to breathe deeply, I'd get a sharp pain in my ribs--something to do with the difference in pressures. Other times, I'd have a ache in my shoulder and side if I slept funny, like lying on my arm with my back twisted. Plus I've been working out pretty hard, so I was sore all over. But this pain was different. It lingered. After a few more minutes I felt a ghost pain in my left chest. Something was up. I didn't wake up on my side. I ran through my mind all the possible scenarios. I remember learning that pain inside the chest is usually referred by your brain to an area close to the skin because there are no pain receptors in your internal organs. There was no shooting pain down my arm or pressure in my chest, just a strange pain I never felt before. I thought about how there's a history a heart disease in my family. I thought about how most heart attacks occur in the morning. I wondered if I drove myself to the emergency room to get tested, if insurance would cover it. And if my parents would find out. I wouldn't want them to worry about something like this if it was a false alarm.

The pain didn't go away. I lay flat on my back, breathing as lightly as possible. I felt my heart thump hard in my chest every few beats. For a long time there's been a fear in my mind that I might have a heart problem. Every now and then my pulse would race for no apparent reason. Sometimes it would seem like my heart skipped a beat. I thought about dying. About my mortality. There are few times in my life when I've felt more fragile than I did laying in bed. I thought maybe God was calling me or something. That it might be my time. Or maybe I'd be living with a damaged heart. I thought about when my dad had a heart attack, and how much the medical bills were. I think at one point he was moved to another hospital in an ambulance and it cost around $5000. Did my insurance cover things like this?

I got up and started looking up what the most common symptoms would be for a heart attack. Despite not having those symptoms (besides the chest pain), I found little comfort. I got something to drink in case I was dehydrated and lay down again. I couldn't fall asleep for a while, until about 8:30. I woke up at 12 and felt slightly better. I did some more reading online, but didn't find any new information. I decided to try to ignore the pain for a while, and I sat at my desk looking at random websites. There were several times when I thought everything was fine and I was just overreacting, but then I'd have a sudden dizzy spell or I'd feel out of breath for a while, both symptoms of heart attacks. I stayed in my chair until the pain eventually faded away, around 2 pm. Even now I can't say I'm still 100% sure I'm alright. Every now and then I feel my heart pound for a few beats, or that pinching pain inbetween my ribs.

I was sitting by myself, not long after sunrise, 7 am. The sky was gray. All I could hear was the computer fan, the blinds hitting the window, and the clicking of the keyboard. It's as if the whole world was still sleeping. All I could think was something wasn't right. You can never be sure of anything you don't have control over. Will I get into medical school? Will I ever meet someone? Will I still be around to find out?

When something you've taken for a given in your life starts to show it's vulnerability, it shakes your world up a little. I don't want to wonder if my heart will ever quit on me, but I don't have a choice. The mind can do some crazy things with your outlook on life. I wonder if God just wants me to slow down a little bit. How fragile this life is.

I had one of the scarrier moments in my life this morning. I went to bed around 3:30 the night previous, but for some reason I woke up spontaneously around 6:30. I lay in bed fully awake, hardly even groggy, and after a minute or so I felt a little pinch in my left side, between my lower ribs. I'm used to little pains like that; they would bug me if I slept on my stomach the whole night or if I lay down on something which put too much pressure on my chest. If I tried to breathe deeply, I'd get a sharp pain in my ribs--something to do with the difference in pressures. Other times, I'd have a ache in my shoulder and side if I slept funny, like lying on my arm with my back twisted. But this pain was different. It lingered. After a few more minutes I felt a ghost pain in my left chest. Something was up. I didn't wake up on my side. I ran through my mind all the possible scenarios. I remember learning that pain inside the chest is usually referred by your brain to an area close to the skin because there are no pain receptors in your internal organs. There was no shooting pain down my arm or pressure in my chest, just a strange pain I never felt before. I thought about how there's a history a heart disease in my family. I thought about how most heart attacks occur in the morning. I wondered if I drove myself to the emergency room to get tested, if insurance would cover it. And if my parents would find out. I wouldn't want them to worry about something like this if it was a false alarm. The pain didn't go away. I lay flat on my back, breathing as lightly as possible. I felt my heart thump hard in my chest every few beats. For a long time there's been a fear in my mind that I might have a heart problem. Every now and then my pulse would race for no apparent reason. Sometimes it would seem like my heart skipped a beat. I thought about dying. About my mortality. There are few times in my life when I've felt more fragile than I did laying in bed. I thought maybe God was calling me or something. That it might be my time. Or maybe I'd be living with a damaged heart. I thought about when my dad had a heart attack, and how much the medical bills were. I think at one point he was moved to another hospital in an ambulance and it cost around $5000. Did my insurance cover things like this? I got up and started looking