bittersweet

I checked and double checked, and I can't find anything to prove me wrong. Yet.

Good grief. I haven't been this mercurial in my life. It's never anything in the middle anymore. The good is good, the bad is worse, and my dquilibrium is shot to hell.

Answers are a lot easier to offer than explanations. Why get second hand information when you can go to the source?

I refuse to stand around for this.

last to leave

You don't know me.

It's been said that speed does not kill; differentials in speed kill. It seems like the vast majority of drivers settle on a speed somewhere 5-10 mph above the speed limit. There are also the handful of drivers who, either in respect for the law or an ignorance of the dynamics of highway traffic, tend to drive at or below the speed limit. This wouldn't create problems, except the 'fast' lane fails to live up to its name. People don't only pass to the left, they pass on the right. What ends up happening? Collisions.

How do I drive?

I don't have the mind to push all the time; nor do I have the patience to be passed by all others. So I crash into people. I don't think they notice most of the time.

No more cruise control. No sudden stops. More lane changes, more turns and more unexpected surprises ahead.

You still don't know.

What am I doing?

The question comes up more and more often. Do I answer it? Not yet. Not in the least. But this is it. This is it. What's that?

This is life.

So what now? I know I'm being led on this path, and I'm nice and set on my current course. Which gives me all the more motivation to say damn the familiarity and the comfort.

I need to look outside and see something different. How to do that without completely uprooting my whole life is a project I don't know how I'll handle. There's a lot I should be doing, more I could be doing, and more than enough that I'm not doing.

It's more than restlesness now. As much as my life is everything I need it to be right now, there's a gravity to this that I can't ignore.

wtf. What the %#@(*.

For once, my room is a lot cleaner than my life.

Anyone wanna go to Chi-town?

quarter life crisis

I find myself questioning everything. Things are not what they seem. Where is the contrast? No black, no white, all inbetween. Add it all up and it's still gray. 18% gray. That's what cameras try to produce. And what's so significant about that? Maybe that's how I'm seeing things. My highlights boil down to 18% gray. The shadows dilute to the same. Perception is a damn funny thing. In fact, I'm not laughing.

push

I'm restless.
Jobless.
Single.
Bored.
Aimless.
Argh.

working it out

This is a bad time to be unsure about things. I thought I had direction, but everywhere I look there are conflicting signs.

awoeifnzoidhawefnlawenf

Do what you gotta do, and hope that somehow everything falls into place.

* gravitational defects