perspective

I got a late start on the day. Not later than usual, because it was actually pretty early, but later than I wanted. Luckily, I was still able to make it in time to drive up to L.A. And after I pulled up on Towne and 7th, someone saw smoke coming from under the hood of my car. Cracked radiator pipe. Expensive. I didn't think much when I heard the radiator fans running after I turned off the engine the past few days. I guess I know what it could mean now. Good old AAA to the rescue. It took an hour for a service truck to come out to escort my car to a shop, which couldn't repair it. From there it was supposed to be an hour and a half wait. Rica the beast had to wait with me because it was her membership, so we got some Carl's Jr. after I parked my car for five bucks across the street and made it back to my car right about when the hour and a half was up. Turns out all tow trucks in the area are either on low tows or backed up for hours. I almost end up deciding to leave my car in L.A. and come back to fix it later, but AAA calls me back and says there's one on the way in 45 minutes. A little before 5pm, my car gets hitched and we make our way to Lake Forest, where I got a decent estimate at a shop. My back aches a little from the ride, sitting in the middle of the bench seat with my legs twisted the right 45 degrees because of the truck's computer and radio gear. By the time I get back to Irvine, the sun had just set, park day was over, I missed one job (and $60), and still had work before going out to eat... which I never got to.

And I can't really complain. I feel blessed.

progress

My little brother turns 22 today. Everyone's growing up and old.

You learn how to juggle. First with 2 objects. Then you get that thrid object in the mix. Pretty soon, you're in over your head, because when you want to stop, there's more in the air than you have hands to hold on to. It makes you wonder why you're doing all that in the first place. A big part of it is the expectation lumped on your shoulders. That's why you get so tense in your shoulders, from walking around with the ever present burdens of life. Sounds like a pointless exercise, right? You decide for yourself.

unknowing

There are times you sacrifice something knowing you will benefit. This isn't always the case however. In fact, I'm going to be worse off for the time being. And I can live with that.

how far can you walk into a desert?

Things are in that uncomfortable transitional phase. For every let down and failure there's an opportunity. I hope I haven't been blind enough to see them. Once in a while you feel like you're losing purpose... losing faith. And then you realize you can't always go by feelings, or else you never can be sure of anything. Trust your instincts... trust your experience... trust me... or don't. Your choice. I'm tired of hiding. I'm waiting to be found. At first you think it's funny... to hide in plain sight and get a taste of invisibility, but pretty soon you're stuck... wanting the game will end, but hoping someone's still looking.