I'm on a collision course with reality in T minus 3 hours, 40 minutes. Assuming I don't just break apart on impact, I'm either going to be forced back, or I'm going to continue in my original direction. I need to pick up some momentum.

I can no longer be content. Content when the world is slowly breaking apart? No. I'm not content. I'm not at ease with the system, the status quo. I can't sit still while the ground shakes beneath my feet. I do not breathe so easily when the air is stale. The question of truth does not hold up to these realities. Words rot away when they do not say anything. Say something. This is not my space. This is not my destination. Why should I stop? Why should I walk? I need to run, I need to warm the frozen blood in my veins. Fear is not as debilitating as complacency. You never quite know someone until you fight that person--so do you know yourself? I have not found my answer, but I'm looking. I'm watching. Nothing comes so unexpectedly as the truth. My world does not bend so easily around the constructs of the world I occupy. One cannot change what one does not believe is possible. My mind races, not against another mind or another person, but against time. Maybe it might go fast enough to leave time behind. What is left once time is gone? What matters now? I cannot be content. I demand change. And if the bonds of time and space will not break under my influence, the only thing that will change is myself.

Take it away. Take away the finals, the grades. Take away the apartment, the car, the job, the paychecks. Take away the clothes, the toys, the games. Take away the cellphones, the cameras, and the computers. Take away the stereotypes, the judgements, the lies. Take away the disillusionment, the fear, and the pain.

Leave nothing.
Nothing but truth.

Love.

Life.

Five hours, 38 minutes before I can sleep. Damn.

The grade I received on my history paper which I turned in two full days late only serves to reinforce what college courses have led me to believe all along. Sure, I'm happy that I got an A- on a paper that I wrote in about 8 hours and which I didn't do all the reading for. I worked hard on that paper, for at least two nights. One night, if you only count the time spent actually typing it. It might be different in other majors, but the curve is evil. Yes, it does help to even out the hard tests and the easy ones, but even more than that, it make mediocrity acceptable. Since when does a 55% get you a B? Something is wrong here. Either the tests are too hard or the system has trained us to to accept that if you get 70% of the test right, that just might give you an A. And if you don't quite get that A, 60% will get you a B. Now I find myself doing what I never wanted to be doing. Giving the minimum effort. The least possible effort. I was never one to take shortcuts, look for the easy way out. I used to be about fighting my way through, doing it right. What the hell happened to me? I need to shift my focus. Grades are sh*t. I'll take my Bs, Cs, even my Ds and Fs. If that's what it takes to learn something, then hopefully I'll have learned something by the end of this week.

What will I learn? Hopefully why I came here in the first place...