Patience. THe future's not here yet.

We're not entitled to anything, but why are some people jerks about it?

I think I've been waking up around noon every day this week. It's pretty gross.

Wow. I just reread some of the things I wrote from two years back. I think I had a verbosity in my writing that has watered down... for lack of a better description. Conciseness says a lot though. For now, I'll stick with it.

Two more dreams. They're getting more bizzare.

One.

It started with me waiting at some hostipal. I wasn't even waiting in the waiting room, but I was sitting/lying on the marble (or was it linoleum?) floor, with a blanket. There was a door that I was blocking, and people were stepping over me, but I didn't really move away from the door. All of a sudden there was an announcement made over the PA system. The hospital had just completed a successful surgery, some one-of-a-kind procedure. Then a man walks out of a room, with a dog's head instead of a human head. The man turned around, and it was Mel. I was shocked, so I had to get a closer look. I could see the fresh sutures in the back of his neck, where the gray dog hair met the skin on his neck, but from the front, you could only see the dog ears. I asked Mel what happened. He told me that he got into a serious an car accident and rolled his car while doing 360s. I asked him where and he said near San Diego. Then he told me more detailed stuff was back at the apartment. When I got there, it didn't look the same as Madrona, but I found some papers on a desk. The first one I looked at was a telegram from the toll road company. Someone from YFC was looking for me because I went on a roadtrip to San Diego with them but ended up not paying. They said I owed them $17, or $1 per 3 miles. I was completely confused by that. Why send a telegram through the tollroad company? I knew for sure that the fees weren't that high for the toll road. I looked at the other papers on the desk and saw a report of the accident. (I think) other people were in the car, but weren't seriously hurt. Mel had to have the head transplant because of head injuries, but it seemed like they were able to save his brain, because he didn't seem all that different when I saw him at the hospital, save the dog parts.

Two. This one was really fragmented. I think it was following the music that was playing from my stereo, which wakes me up.

A bunch of people including myself were playing Texas Hold'em, with real money. Sounds normal, but 50 Cent was there. He added a bunch of crazy prizes to the pot, and they were all in front of us. The small blind was a quarter, but big blind was five dollars. Crazy. We weren't even playing on a table, but we were all sitting in a row in some living room, and the door was open. I was thinking, "Is this illegal because of how much money we are throwing around? Why is the door open?" Then everything changed, and I was in some room. Mariah Carey just left some note for me, saying she leaving or something. I wrote her a song (I think) and sent it to her. (There was another part, but I don't remember it).

reach for the top
where the sun is going to shine...

Lately I feel like I've been writing essays. The ideas are in full effect, but the words don't come at all. I've decided I'm going to work on it. I've also come to the point where I say bring it on. Waiting has become my forte, but I won't let it become my undoing. Excuse me while I keep walking. As always, I'll leave the window cracked, if only for the circulation.

Two weird dreams this morning.

One.
A bunch of us were out somewhere. I drove. We decided to chill instead of heading home, maybe watch some movie at someone's apartment. When we got to the apartment (some random one) We were talking for a little bit because we couldn't decide what to watch. I could barely keep my eyes open, so I fell asleep on the floor right in front of the tv. The next thing I remember was I woke up and we were home, and there was an article in the newspaper about people getting knocked unconscious. I asked GP what happened and he said that he drove all of us home, but didn't explain how we all got in the car. (Then I woke up to my alarm. No freakin closure.)

Two. (I fell back asleep for this one)
(I really can't remember anymore. This is all I can muster: I was riding with a few other people in somebody's car. It was a stick shift. I got jealous because the shifts were like butter. Smoother than an automatic. I started thinking "what am I doing wrong?"

Peace

Slowly but surely, I'm working it out. Why I have trouble keeping this up, I don't know. Why my desk is probably the messiest place in Madrona, I don't know. Maybe now, but not much longer. This is no time to sleep on this.

This is an external express of an internal revolt. The revolution is now.

I was thinking. I really wish I could spill it all out, if only to clear my mind for a moment. It seems things are up in the air. There's only so much I can do right now. But the struggle is beautiful. The struggle brings me closer to where I need to be.