picture this

The hazy orange mid winter sunset, cutting clean through the cloudy canvas, contrasting the medium gray of the familiar open road ahead of me. A few times I was tempted to take out my camera, but images like that look best in my head anyway.

Friday night isn't as special if you week never has a definite beginning or end. Maybe for that reason alone, I wish I was working right now.

reamount the balance

waiting for the world to change

While I wait, I'm trying to find something that I can change. A fwe things have worked so far. Some others, not so well.

push

when you're gone



I leave it all in Your hands.



all the colors fade

i miss you

poured out

I feel a little empty right now... my car was suffering the same as well. It wouldn't start. I called up Dean after a lot of pushing and failed starts. Chevron ran out of gas canisters, but there was a tow truck guy talking to the cashier and he let me borrow one of his cans for free. It was all a little funny. Having experience to put trivial things in perspective kept me from making a big deal out of it. If my mom knew I had finally run out of gas, I probably would get a lecture. There are times I think I wouldn't mind though.

times like these

hang

I'm suffering a little motivational deficit at the moment.

I had Game Theory on repeat yesterday as I drove to San Diego and I remember what an incredible album it is, as introspective as anything I've listened to.

i know in the trying time
it feels confusin
that's why I can't tell you
to dance to the music
unless we fix it first
and try not to lose it
even if it gets worse
they can't stop this

broken road

Where does time go after you spend it? I've got some work to do.

What runs through my mind at night aren't the countless things I have no control over. It's the few things that I can change...

less ordinary

I drove down to Sandyago today to drop off some stuff... non-typical work day, but a welcome change of pace.

The priest at mass on Sunday talked about not letting the past dictate your future... be wary of excuses because they stop you from doing what you otherwise would... move into deeper water. So far, it's been a real mixed bag. I know it's all for the best through. It struck a chord with me... it's been a lot harder this year to ditch the excuses, but I've never tried this hard before.

i still can't swim

the background

I got some much needed rest last night.

The Cubs had a terrible season last year, but have pushed harder than anyone else to rebuild. The Bears just lost the Superbowl, but look out for them next year. The Bulls have been rebuilding since '98, and are surprising a lot of people this season, except for the people that saw their potential for a while now.

Too bad life doesn't play out in seasons. Wait... it does.

the big let down

Somebody cheer me up. Things didn't go as I thought they would today. Pretty common right? I'm tired and hungry.

It's like taking a hot shower and the water starts running cold. Do you jump out of the shower?

play it out

sleepless

I went to bed at 12:15, fell asleep around 1:00am, and for some reason woke up right at 4:00am. I've been awake ever since. It's 6:24am and the sun's still nowhere in sight. Work is in less than an hour. Four hours of sleep two nights ago, six hours last night, and three hours today. At least the days before that I was getting 9-11 hours a night. No middle ground here I guess.

I had a bizzaro dream: I was working and getting ready to leave and look outside. There's a fenced off parking lot (chain-link) out front with a gate that has to be rolled opened manually. This guy that looked a lot like Jerry Stiller started up a bus that was parked to the left of the gate a few feet away, which was still closed. There was also a big rig (also belonging to the guy) parked to the right of the gate. He hops out of the bus and opens up the gate, bu doesn't realize the bus starts rolling forward, toward the other side of the gate. He screws up and ends up closing the gate right after he opens it a little and then sees the bus. It keeps rolling and it hits the chain-link fence, pulling the rest of the fence with it as it rolls toward the freeway below. Somehow, the big rig also starts rolling down the hill, but only about 100 feet. The bus stops rolling near the shoulder of the freeway, but then rolls backward and skids in the direction of the big rig. The guy starts running toward the big rig as the bus collides with the big rig. Then comes a huge chain reaction. The big rig starts moving again, skidding into the freeway and picks up speed because it's on an incline. It gets pretty fast and rolls toward a sharp right turn in the freeway and hits a car. The big rig jack-knives and rolls... maybe 6 or 7 times, catching some air along the way. The guys is screaming like no other at this point, something about needing to drive up to Nor Cal that afternoon and being scared about what happens if he doesn't make it. It continues rolling up the shoulder toward a small cliff, where the car it hit ended up. The cab and the trailer separate a little, and the car gets whacked by the trailer. The car ends up below the cliff, and the big rig stop a little bit short of the cliff. The guy is screaming something about his camera equipment. When the police and rescue teams arrive, the guy tells them they have to save the guy in the car right away because some of the chemicals from the big rig spilled onto his car. Then he keeps talking about his equipment and the trouble he's in.

Strange, no?

i feel like a zombie