No internet at Madrona. It's a good and bad thing.
I went home Sunday night after chilling at Brea Mall with Derrick, David, Dee, and Geeps. On the way there some fool in a big ass SUV almost ran me over because he changed lanes without signaling or checking his blind spot. I ended up buying a shirt. Damn, I remember why I don't go shopping now. Discipline isn't easy when temptation is staring you in the face. It was cheap though.
I got home and my sisters were getting ready to leave, and I was surprised to see Auntie Mary, Uncle Joe, and Auntie Annie there. They sat me down and talked to me about my plans for the future. As if the future was all there was. Maybe a week before that, Auntie Mary called me out of nowhere (she'd never called my cell before) and told me I should be preparing for med school or graduate school or whatever. That was pretty random. Then she said "I love you" and all I could say was "you too." Not that I didn't mean it, but those words come few and far between around my family.
Still, it was nice to see them. The past several holidays, I guess dating back almost a year, my family hasn't gotten together with any of the relatives. They don't even live that far, forty five minutes at most. My sisters left soon after that. I never see them for more than a day anymore, and most of the time they relegate themselves to their rooms, probably to avoid getting interrogated about something by our parents. Goodbyes seem to have more meaning to me nowadays.
Back inside, I remembered that I was starving, and they brought KFC, so it was on. I called my brother downstairs and we attacked the chicken, baked beans, mashed potatoes and gravy. We ate so fast that we almost forgot about the biscuits. My parents and the aunts and uncle got in on the food action, but they stuck with the home cooked food. I split as much food as I could with my brother, but he's a lightweight when it comes to eating. I got a feeling of something... I think it was more
family than I've known in a long time. Togetherness. We actually talked about things. It wasn't just ask-and-answer like it is usually. Auntie Annie said my cousin Joseph cut with hair. He had longer hair than I did. She said she'll pay for my haircut (and she did). Her conditions were that I had to get one by the next time she saw me. I guess that gives me a month or two.
I did most of the dishes with my brother. I think it would have been nice if he went to Irvine, but then there's something cool about covering as many UC campuses as possible. UCSD, UCLA, UCI, UCR, and UCB (my cousin JoAnne). It's too bad Joseph didn't choose to go to a UC, but at least he'll be close to home. I went upstairs and crashed on my brother's bed until 1:30am, then dragged myself to my old room.
I had a strange dream. I was on the phone with a girl (who I decline to name). She said she had been thinking a lot about the situation between us. There was a negative tone in her voice, so I wasn't too optimistic about whatever she was going to say. After a long pause, she said something like, "I realize I love you." (What a tease). I was at my place and she came over, but it felt strange because I didn't know how to act and other people were there too. I was sitting on the floor by the front door and she came and knelt down in front of my. She grabbed my hands and I thought she was going to kiss me, but hugged me instead. (That's when I woke up).
I guess things don't even go my way in my dreams. I wish I could work on them.
I wanted to wake up early so I could go buy some groceries with my mom, but I couldn't get up for some reason. I took my mom for her doctor's appointment. I wish I knew how to talk to my mom more easily. Bad news is never easy to take. Suffering is something I believe in as much as happiness, but it's never been as simple as that. There are times I wish I could help heal everyone, but there's a meaning to all of this. So I pray, that I can accept these things.
You can't hold on forever.
The future is later. The present is now.
