Saturday night. I forgot how depressing it is to work Saturday nights. If I wasn't working, I'd be somewhere up north driving Frank's pilot across the Bay Bridge or something. Or eating sushi in Pasadena with Mel, Dee, and David. Instead I had to act mildly entertained while Scott kicked my ass 28-6 at Madden 2004. I did get to watch the World Series, and it was pretty damn exciting. So, I had two reminders that while winning is nice, it's the hard-fought battles that you gain from and remember the most.

Where is that black Integ?

Well I called it, so I guess I should post it:

Arlene's dad: Have you ever seen a black Pinoy?
Geeps, David, Dee, Mel, Derrick, NG, and I [look towards Mel]
Mel [raises hand]

Funny things happen when you leave for San Diego at 10pm. White elephants, vanity microwaves, driveway brakes, helicopter pads, chairs you're not supposed to sit in, matching shirts (do I see a trend?), huge bbq grills, magical places, the moon close enough to touch, writings on the window, 3 part poops...

Then I sat down and proceeded to lose at NBA Live 2004 by 2 points. 2 ()*#))#@&% points. After 48 minutes. So I did what any rational person would do. I quit and played the same game again, and smashed those computer bastards by 30 points. Hmm... I guess the sun should be coming up shortly. Ack. Gotta work tomorrow. Here we go again.

I finally got around to tracking down all my checks from work and whatnot, and it looks like I have $1600 in checks that I haven't cashed. So I'm that much closer to my future: Nikon D70 DSLR. Woohoo!! SO after rent is paid, I should have about $2400 saved up next week. Then after that, I'm going into broke mode again. After Med Mission Gala of course.

I never really noticed how nice north Orange County is in the wintertime. I guess I should blame the smog. After the rains cleared up, the air was nice and frosty, and the hills seemed like they were glowing. I would have stared longer, but I was driving. I did get to check out the 241 onramp from the 91 east. Yeah, it's just a big chunk of concrete, but today was the first time I noticed it. I wish I had my future digital camera already. Words don't do things like this justice. It made driving around a lot more enjoyable.

It's funny when you have dreams that revolve around certain people. There's got to be some kind of subconscious link between dreams and feelings. Who am I to say that though? I'm just a retired bio major. Psychology is not exactly my forte. Oh, what dreams may come. I'm confused. It would really help if my head wasn't trying to figure out everything that's going on around me. Maybe I'll let it all hang out and see what happens. Too bad it wasn't one of those lucid dreams where you have control over yourself in the dream. Then I could answer some hypotheticals... but it's never that easy. Ack. I'm not ready to go all in yet. Hold on while I count my chips again...

Go Red Socks! They're this year's Cubs!

#1... #2... #5?

Jacki: What's expensive and hard to find?
me: girls!

The past several years in Liwanag have given me such a great wealth of spiritual and emotional nourishment. I was hungry and you fed me. Today I had the chance to serve, and I jumped on it. It's been a while. A long time. I don't remember the last time I was on the "other side," so to speak. It was truly humbling though. It's been a long time since we've had a meeting that's gone this deep. A few of us talked last night about it... well, it's more like they did the talking and I just listened. But I had a chance to speak my mind, not just myself, but knowing well enough how some things are better said for the good of everyone.

I found the hacky-sack thingee that Dee and Joyce hit a while ago cuz all the guys would kick that thing around like there was no tomorrow. It was our freaking source of entertainment and a workout rolled into one... and they forgot where they hid it. Good thing I found it. We got all sweaty playing after the meeting, and Marites stepped on my hand, but I was so into the game I didn't feel it. Crazy. Then the boys + NG and Jill chilled at Jack talking about farts. Mainly just farts. For a whole hour. Not surprisingly, it's a good way to control your appetite.

I really need to buy a camera soon. So much good stuff is slipping through my memory. It's not just a record of what happened, but how I see what happens around me. And to me. Sometimes writing doesn't do it justice. And since I can't really play any instruments (quite yet... hmmm), I gotta find a way to express myself. Damn my credit card payments! Geeps and Mel just bought some laptops, so now I'll be the only one in Madrona without one. Dang. It would be nice to have a laptop at work so I could ignore Scott without him yanking me out of the office so he can run around in the rain... in his boxers. Crazy kid. He certainly makes life interesting. I was telling Martin on Sunday night that working with kids all the time makes me feel like a parent. I feel good when they do their homework right, and try to offload them whenever I can, especially when they're annoying me. Maybe the most interesting part is seeing the potential in them, and wondering every time I see them how they're growing up. It's life in kid vision.

Oh Lord, thank You, for I am blessed. I wish it wasn't so awkward for me to say "I love you." BUt I'll try my best to show it in what I do. I wish I could trust people more fully. It's not as if I'm distrustful, but sometimes I rely too much on myself. I wish I had the balls to ask someone to Med Mission Gala. And hopefully they grow in soon, because I only have a few weeks left. I wish I acted more from my heart than from my mind. Why do I always trip up on the lines I draw in my head?

I'm still growing. Learning. Somewhere deep down, we're all children. Amen.

I'm running on fumes right now. Three hours of sleep the night before last and a nap that made me feel even more tired, then three hours of sleep last night. Stupid nap. Work at 7:30... go till 10:45, choir from 11:00 to 1:00, back to work from 1:15 to 3:30, freakin weak nap on the couch, then tutoring from 5:30 to 7:30. Oh man, I didn't want to just crash, so I rolled over to Interfaith to see if anything was going on and bumped into Martin and Patty. I ended up having dinner with them. For a white guy, he cooks some good adobo. And we just talked about whatever. That's what being tired does to you. You just start on all sorts of topics and it's like it never ends. Then I rolled back to Interfaith and found them leaders planning, so I joined them. Now I'm at NACS. Blogging. I miss this college stuff.

I'm a little bit closer to a digital camera. It'll just set me back a few (twelve) hundred. Oh damn. This photography thing is expensive. But, damn. I love it. Good thing this expensive taste doesn't hold true for the other things in my life. I feel so deprived of it, especially since film costs so much. I'm gonna use the hell outta that camera. Then I'll work some more to pay it off. Oh, it's the vicious cycle.

Streets of black glass revisted

I love the rain. Driving in it, walking in it, talking in it. It reminds me of love. Inevitably, it reminds me that I'm still single. But I still love it. 40% MOM + 50% Shawshank and Regfoo dinner at CPK was fun. "Ooooh! This is nice." And we all wore brown. Who sent the memo? Yea, it was one of those days. Lazy sleep all afternoon until it's almost dark but you can't tell the difference cuz it's just gray outside days. Breakfast for the Filipino community collective was fun too, and it wasn't that bad being up at 8 am. Em's birthday surprise at D&B's was pretty fun too, and no fingers got smashed this time... I think Franny's slipper was the only casualty. I'm still sore though from Time Crisis and the stupid boxing game... and basketball. How sad is that? But it was fun. All of it brings me back...

another wave in the ocean, another reflection off the jet black street...