Tuesday morning I was dreaming. Something like I was with a bunch of people standing on the shoulder of some freeway at night. Joyce was there. A lone cars pulls up and it's Joyce's friend. The driver pops the trunk and Joyce and I look in, and then a doorbell rings. Joyce says it's some safety mechanism or something. Then GP wakes me up because a maintenance guy was coming and the doorbell actually rang, but it was Khristine. So I got a nice bizarre ending for my dream.

I went home later that day to get a new car battery. Not that I can't get a new one down here, but my parents volunteered to pay for it. I usually don't like bumming off the rents, but as soon as I get some cashflow I can resume refusing the money my mom tries to give me while my dad's not around. I tried looking up information about my battery online, but it was either the website I was looking at or the dial-up connection that was making my effort pitifully futile. Damn, the heat was already getting ot me, and then my mom decided to ask me every other minute if A) she could use the phone and B) what I was looking at. I took out my angry on the poor old computer table. It never did anything to me...

When we arrived at the Honda dealership, I parked it in the middle of the service lane and stopped the car. My mom complained that we might be blocking somebody, but alas, I tried to start the car and got NOTHING. Damn that old battery to hell! One more jump start and that should be the end of it, for at least a few years. We picked up the $75 battery (which actually ran up to $85 with core charge and tax) and headed back home. I swear, I was losing it because it was so hot. After an hour, there were some crazy winds that blew into the computer room and ripped my brother's poster right off the wall, but at least it got cooler.

My dad got home and we popped the old battery out and popped the new one in. Somewhere between the removing and installing, the bracket that holds the metal rod that props the hood up fell into the engine bay. Oh well. It took two starts, but no dreaded clicking. I think the computer had to remap the air/fuel ratios. My mom then suggested we get some gas at Costco, and she paid. Gas is almost twice as expensive as it was when I started driving. Ridiculous. Damn that GW Bush. He's the one we should be impeaching. Back home again and my parents kept me long enough so I missed the LOG meeting. Sucks. My mom did hook me up with some money though, beside the groceries and leftovers.

Today was my bum day. Bumming all day long. Sleeping in till 1:30, eating at 4, finally leaving the house at 8 to buy a blender at Target (I wish it was a glass one though) and went to the ARC for the first time in almost 2 weeks. Oh man, I felt weak. I think my whack ass diet is partly to blame beside my hiatus. There are six weeks left to get in baller shape for intermurals. I think our goal for PUSO is to go undefeated against Kaba and make it to the playoffs for at least one sport every quarter.

After the ARC, I went over to Lauren and Adam's place. They finally got their keys and were setting up. I helped set up Lauren's computer and brought back some stuff of theirs I ended up with. I was going to return this whack cassette recorder she hid in my socks, but since I have a bunch of unused tapes, I think I'll keep it. She also hid a hideous green hat that said something like "GREAT FLAMEBROILED BURGERS" on it. It wasn't quite a trucker hat, because it had no mesh. It was just nasty. I left that at the house for someone else to deal with. I also messed around with Malcolm (the cat). I don't know if he recognized me, because he was all upset when I picked him up, but I put him in his place. Outside, you could hear ducks or geese... it sounded like some other condo around the way had a petting zoo. The sprinklers were going off and the whole sidewalk was blocked by the spray. A whole section was under 3 inches of water. It's a nice place. I still with we had that house though.

I'm struck by floods of existential thought every now and then. Sometimes I wonder what neurotransmitters are out of balance in my head and what's really flowing through my vein because I can't see it. I wonder (from an evolutionary perspective) why humans are content to waste their lives away in front of the television getting obese off food with no positive nutritional value. I wonder why one lump of flesh and bone might not like another lump of flesh and bone. I wonder how many of my molecules are actually related to my parents' molecules. Or my brother's molecules. I wonder why no matter how many laws there are to govern nature and the world at large, no person can truly be sure about anything.

I can't be sure about anything.

It flies in the face of countless theories about the serendipitously random creation of the universe out of a unimaginably immense explosion--that a innumerable trillions of carefully arranged and structured molecules can breathe, eat, sleep, think, understand, want, give, hate, love, and even kill itself... multiplied by several billions of humans, mixed with economic, political, and social interactions... to divide money that only represents value... to stand by abstractions like liberty, justice, and truth... to be offended or edified by actions, behaviors "controlled" by a 3 pound mass of gray and white matter enclosed in a protective shell--am I supposed to believe this is all random?

My God.
Why then do I doubt You?

Updated:
I just finished one of the most stressful weeks in my life. I don't get stressed that easily either. It's been so stressful, I put off writing about it until now. Well, here goes.

It all started Friday night, the 8th. After playing basketball at the ARC, I crashed on the couch for 2 hours and woke up around 12:30. Pretty good, I thought, because I had to wake up at 6:30 for a practice MCAT at UCI. So I ate some food and brushed my teeth, checked some things online, and then went back to bed around 2 something. 3 am I was still tossing around. Then the mosquitoes came out in force and started eating me alive. There are few things I hate more than trying to sleep while fending off mosquitoes in the middle of the summer. If you stick your foot out, you lose. Three bites. If you completely cover up, it feels like you just ran half a mile and jumped under the covers. It's a no-win situation. 4am. 4:30. By 5am, I was stark raving mad. Once the sun started coming up, I said to hell with it and just sat at my computer. I contemplated just skipping the practice MCAT, but I really needed the practice, so I took a long shower and headed out. Once again, I had to jump my car. I was so tired that I was kind of drifting in my lane while I was driving. I didn't have a regular parking pass and the UCI parking Nazis are always checking parking, so I put up my evening pass and prayed they wouldn't check it too closely.

The first half of the test was hard, but only made harder by the fact that I was starting to dream... while I was reading the stupid questions. During the lunch break I grabbed the first table I could find and laid out. Joe showed me where the student lounge was though and I passed out on the couch. He went to In-and-Out and brought me back a double-double. That reminds me... I gotta buy him a meal sometime. We played a little ping pong to get the blood pumping. It turns out our copies of the practice test were missing the writing section, so we both decided to ditch it and play more ping pong. An hour of ping pong. I started getting a lot better as I kept playing, but I still lost three games to one.

Back to the test, I basically bombed the biology section, but I was glad that it was over. I figured that if I could take a full (almost) practice test on two hours sleep and do alright, then I'd be good for the real thing on a full night's sleep. I even had to jump mar car again so I could get home. I should have started packing, but I was too tired to do much.

Sunday after church I grabbed some In-and-Out with GP and Em, then went swimming at Parkwatts with Fran, Shelby, and Em at 9:30. They have an 8 foot pool there. I thought there weren't any deep pools in this area besides the one at my old roommate's old apartment, but I guess not. They don't make them that deep anymore. Being the pitiful nonswimmer I am, I had to dive in the deep end to see how much I still can't swim. I realized that... I still can't swim. Eventually I pick it up. Maybe if I hit the pool every day for a month. Damn, I knew how to swim when I was young. I even dove off the high diving board. Shoot. The pool wasn't too cold, but they wanted to chill in the spa, so I went looking for the switch to turn on the jets, but I couldn't find it. Fran found it pretty fast though. Good thing Parkwatts hid it in the bushes, or else someone might find it at night. That wouldn't be right. We chilled there for a while talking about growing up and parents and whatnot. I felt like staying there until the rent-a-cops kicked us out, but they didn't want to stay that long.

Em was hungry and I had no cash, plus she left her camera in my car in Costa Mesa, so we went back, grabbed her camera, and she bought carne asada nachos, 5 horchatas, and rolled tacos for 25A. By the time we got back, Dave, Shelby, and Fran were all asleep. Dee was awake, but she doesn't like horchata. I don't know how we finished that food because I was still digesting the double-double I had earlier, but we killed the all the nachos, half the rolled tacos, and 3 1/2 horchatas. I tried to do some MCAT studying, but only got through half a section. Everyone was passed out by 3:30.

I woke up around 11 and everyone was gone except Francia. I would have asked her for a ride, but as of yet, she is still doesn't drive. I was supposed to get the mailers for LOG and PUSO turned in that day at noon, but I didn't even start until Leo called me up so we could work on them. I was supposed to be home, so he showed up at my place. Oops! Sorry man. We finished up around 12:30, but I was so out of it because it was a freaking sauna up in 25A. I was sweating just sitting there. I never actually turned it in that day, or the day after... I actually finished both on Thursday morning around 6 am and emailed them out then. Leo left for class, so once again I was rideless. I just crashed in the living room, trying to outsleep Francia, but she just might hold the sleeping crown. I was in and out of sleep from about 2 until 6, when I just couldn't take it anymore. Fran was still passed out though. I decided to just wait until someone was leaving so I could get a ride back to my place. Em finally came back around 9 and I got a ride with her. It felt so good just to sit in the shower with the faucet set all the way cold. Stupid car battery. I moved my couch over to 17 Madrona and called it a night.

Tuesday I was to really get going with the packing and moving, but I just shut down. I didn't feel like doing anything. I had to tell myself to get up and find some food so I wouldn't just sleep the day away. The LOG meeting was pretty chill, and afterwards I hung around while Jei, Melissa, and Leo had a little jam session. I was so tired I actually passed out while they were playing, so I took it as my cue to go home.

The days after that have been a big blur. I started sleeping in warmups and long sleeve shirts with socks on my hands and feet so I don't get bitten. I did get bit on my head though. Good thing it didn't itch that bad, or else I'd have a big swollen lump on the side of my head. Gross. I ended up being stuck with doing the mailers for LOG and PUSO. I don't know why I take on so much, but I feel like when I have something to contribute, I have to put in my two cents. It puts me in the hole sometimes, and this week I was really swamped. Paying bills, collecting money, packing stuff, trying to study for the MCAT... it seemed like it would never end.

Packing was the most stressful. At first it's easy because you can be organized and pack thing neatly so you know where they are, but after that it's just a mess. You start pulling things out of cabinets, under the bed... You find things that you haven't seen in months just buried in the closet and you wanted to make sure you can find them again, but you almost don't care at that pont so you throw everything in the same bid old box and hope that there's not much left. I thought I'd be able to get all of it in a couple of large boxes, but towards the end it got ugly. Boxes everywhere. Every time I sealed up a box, I'd find something that I wanted to throw in there so I wouldn't have all my things separated.

That night I didn't feel like sleeping, so I stayed up Wesnesday night and finished the mailer for LOG. Before I finished Lauren woke up and talked to me for a while. I stopped when it got light outside and went to bed. She said I wouldn't be up until 1 pm, but I actually got up at 11, and whole hour before my alarm. I wish waking up were that easy all the time. The main order of business for the day: packing. I was dreading every minute of it. At least I wasn't forced out like when I switched rooms last summer. Shane ended up dumping half my stuff in the living room and I didn't get everything sorted out for a long time. I hated it. I couldn't even get to my bed without stepping over boxes. Back to packing. Thursday night my roommates helped me take my desk, the beds, and a bunch of other stuff over, but it hardly made a dent in the number of boxes laying around. I guess that's what happens when you live in a house. You forget how much stuff you have. I didn't believe Adam when he kept telling me, but damn, there was a whole lot of crap in our house. Wednesday came and went and we weren't close to being out of the house. Thank God for extensions.

Friday I really felt the pressure. We had to be out by the end of Saturday, and I had MCATs the next day. Lauren had orientations, Debbie was going up north, and Martin had work. The only person who could do anything Saturday was Adam, at least until the mid afternoon. I started throwing random things in random boxes. Friday night we chipped in for some pizza, but I didn't know they were getting food, so I went and bought some at the Greek place down Harbor. If only I knew... One big trip to 17 Madrona and we got Debbie's fridge and a whole mess of stuff over to Irvine. I took a shower and tried to get to sleep before 12:30, but I didn't actually lay down until 2 (because I was looking for a recent photo of myself to stick on my admission ticket, taped with packing tape I had to rip off a box in the garage because I couldn't find my scotch tape), and didn't fall asleep until about 3 am.

I actually heard my alarm when it went off at 6:30. That was a good sign. I dozed off again though, so Em woke me up. I took a nice long shower, had some breakfast, jumped my car, and rolled over to UCI. Stupid test people didn't have a damn sign up anywhere. There were more signs for events that were already over. How the heck were we supposed to know which parking lots weren't being ticketed? Well, it turns out we were supposed to pay for parking, as it said on our admission tickets. I was hoping nobody was cramming so their stress wouldn't rub off on my, and most weren't, but there were a couple people who came late and slowed everything down. I did see some familiar faces, which was comforting, and Daniel from high school, through he's a year below me. I don't know if I ever talked to that guy in high school, but whatever.

There's only about 5 hours and 45 minutes of actual test taking time for the MCAT (which is by no means just 5 hours and 45 minutes, but the real endurance come in when all the down time is included. They started registration at 8 am and we didn't get to leave until 5:45. Damn near 10 hours. Granted, you get an hour lunch break, but I spent it running around Irvine (minus 5 minutes to jump my car again). I did alright on the physical sciences section. During the first half of the test the AC was blasting like nobody's business. By the second section (verbal) I had to stick my arms in my shirt so I wouldn't freeze. I was a little scared the proctors would think I was cheating or something because I kept pulling my right arm out of my shirt to write down my answers. The only think I could think of when we got our lunch break was driving over to the apartment and grabbing a jacket. I was kind of zoning out too, so I grabbed a gatorade... then some Rubios... to the apartment... and back to campus, leaving only 20 minutes to eat and relax. I dropped by the bookstore to say what's up to GP and Christine, then headed back to part 2.

The sad part was that they turned down the AC enough so that it was comfortable. I hate taking tests when it's hot, so I usually don't mind cold rooms, but damn, it was frigid in there. The proctors weren't too bad, just a little snappy... I don't know how else to describe them. They were an older black couple, and the lady seemed like a "I am woman, hear me roar" type. She kept bossing the guy around. I kept thinking the guy should be named Clovis. The writing section wasn't too bad, but the bio section was killer. I think half the damn section was O-chem. I hate O-chem. But it was all over. Three hours of sleep and 10 hours of testing. All that was left to do was jump start my car. Again.

Little did I know I was hardly half done with my day. I grabbed more food than headed back to 2511 Christopher to finish things off. I couldn't tell where the mess stopped and the carpet began. We already took all the big boxes away and there was still this neverending pile of junk that we just couldn't figure out what to do with. One of the neighbors (this mentally challenged kid) came over and started asking us if we wanted to keep stuff or if he could have them. A quick list of the things we let him have (and he gratefully took off our hands):
- Adam's old Packard Bell, which he claims never, ever, ever crashed. I think it's either BS, or he could have sold it to the Smithsonian as the only Packard Bell that ever worked alright
- 5 packets of ramen
- a plastic chair which once belonged to the UCI student center, complete with several months of birdsh*t all over it (his friend actually took it, and it seemed like he loved it too)
- a VHS tape of Meet the Parents
- a 5 yr old photo of Lauren and her ex-boyfriend (graciously donated by Adam)
He was walking into the house with his friend and I was kind of tripping because I couldn't tell for sure if he was mentally stable or if he would take my computer or stereo, which were sitting right there. He was really polite though, and always asked first. I thought they would never leave, but they finally left us to our mess. Things were going in the trash left and right. We filled our 4 garbage cans within a half hour. Adam, Martin, and I got a little crazy with the PVC and steel pipes laying in the garage so we played some homerun derby on the front lawn and permanently retired some VHS tapes (which incidently would make for great pranks... when stuck to large moving objects).

We finally cleared out the bedrooms (besides my little piece of the living room) and we seemed to be making good progress, until we took a look again at the kitchen and the garage, which were the rooms with the most crap. Lauren, Adam, and Martin went to pick up some Alejandro's (I'm not exactly sure why it took three of them half an hour to get 4 meals) and we took a little break. It was great just sitting there and talking about all the hilarious stuff that happened in the last two years there. The knowledge of more crap to move still loomed over us though. Martin found a shoe box in the dining room with some... poop. Malcolm's poop. Cat poop. In a box. I think Adam kicked it across the room for the hell of it. I'm not sure how we can the house cleared out, but we did. I loaded up all the rest of my stuff and most of the stuff my roommates didn't want to take into Martin's car because my car was loaded with Lauren's stuff. It was a plan that we ditched to move Lauren and Adam's stuff to their place that night, but the trash would not go away quick enough.

By that time it was already 3 am. We all sat in the mostly empty living room and laughed about some random stuff for another half hour before we decided to get it all done before sunrise. We were actually comtemplating coming back in the morning to finish everything off. Good thing we killed that idea. We filled up a empty dumpster with a truckload of trash around 3, and took another load around 4 am. It's amazing how much trash you can fit into a house. We decided to crash at Martin's place just as the sky was starting to get light. Poor Malcolm was stuck in an empty room all day so he wouldn't run away, so as soon as he got some little he laid a fatty turd. Pretty impressive. I went from basically sun-up till sun-up. Crazy.

We woke up Sunday at 12 and hauled all Lauren's and Adam's stuff to their place, which they can't even live in until Tuesday by the earliest. It's a technicality with liabilities and whatnot, but it's just a big hassle in the end. Anaheim is not the best place to be during the summer. But then again, neither is Chino Hills. You have to be near the coast. I think the hot weather fries your brain. Two hours later we finished and headed off to find some air conditioning and some food. The ate at the mall of Orange before parting. I took a nice cold shower for maybe half an hour before I headed off to church. After church I got another free meal at In-and-Out (thanks Leo). I owe a lot of people meals now. It's all good though. Martin dropped off the rest of my stuff that was in his car and I was finally done moving... out. I've hardly got any moving-in done.

Monday I went back to the house and had one last look around. It was kind of depressing, seeing it empty like that. I picked up the mail, dropped off the keys, and that was that. Peaced out. I wish I actually used that backyard once in a while. Costa Mesa is a nice place to live. I've got to get used to not being able to bump my music all the time. Damn.

No more 2511 Christopher Lane. It's been such a stressful crazy week. I didn't even get everything over here until 11 pm today.

I can finally take a break. And then change my car battery.