My memory reads like a storybook. A storybook and a photo album. I guess that's like a movie when it's all strung together.
I've been put through a crazy week. I've hit the unpredictable and intense gamut of emotions, and now I'm the better because of it. Lest I forget...
Benefit Concert practices. They weren't just practices to me, but exercises. Exercises in patience, spirituality, and love. Trying to balance musicality and faith, polish and heart. I felt blessed and proud to be part of something so awesome. Every time we got together seemed like a reunion, and every song we sang was so much more than the sum of our voices and instruments. I really felt the fire burn in me through the practices. I remember what it was like practicing for the first benefit concert three years ago, and how it's been one of my favorite things that Liwanag does--that's saying a lot. Music has always been a big part of my life. It doesn't translate into playing able to play an instrument or vocal talent, but it's one thing for music to be
made, and another for it to be listened to.
PUSO Beat practices. The past two years I've been "supposed" to perform with PUSO Beat, and I'm kind of running out of opportunities. I need more time to get all the routines down than I used to, and it doesn't help that I missed way too many practices. I only learned a little 15 second part in the beginning of the routine, so when the time came to perform at the gala, I felt I'd have a better time watching them instead of jumping in and jumping right out again. I'm going to do it though.
Crazy dreams. I think it was Tuesday morning last week. Random dreams like that can really mess with your head sometimes. Especially when you try to interpret them. Is it all just in my mind?
Early days off work. Scott stayed home from school on Wednesday, so I took over for a few hours around noon. He has a thing about building forts, and I just went along with it. I should have remembered how tiring it is though, because I just wanted to sleep once we turned the couches over, trying to keep Buddy from getting the treats we were keeping in the fort. That dog is pretty crafty though. Three or four forts later, we shut Buddy out for the first time and I tried to take a little nap in the fort, but to no avail. I could hardly breathe in there. We were in there for maybe 10 or 15 minutes, waiting for Buddy to give up. When I got out, I felt a lot better. Scott's mom got back and I cruised back to Irvine, moonroof wide open, 5 speeds, and incredibly good weather. Wow. It was great.
Seeing unexpected faces on campus and LOG family potluck part 1. I decided to chill on campus because I haven't seen any new faces since welcome week. I checked out the vendor faire, then bumped into Toni, NG, Grace, Krystle, Daphne, Rod Lester, Alfredo, Christine, and so other people, all in the span of 45 minutes. The whole time I was kind of thinking to extend my permit, but I said "Screw it." And then UCI parking returned the favor. Bi***es. Mother fathers. I hate those parking Nazis. I dropped NG off at class (blocking off half of Berkeley Place parking) and then played pool with Toni at resort Vista Del Campo. I felt like I should have had luggage with me or something. Four big ass plasmas within 20 feet of each other? What? An hour later and just 2 games of pool (damn, we stink) we stopped at Toni's place before heading to the LOG potluck. If I didn't crash their potluck, they would have had mad leftovers. That's my rationale. I got to break in my camera some more too. Those LOG peeps are some funny cats. On the way out I bumped into Dee and Mel and then headed to...
My HSO interview. I was back on the other side, a year wiser, a year removed. I felt bad because I didn't fill out an application on time, but HSO is one cause I really believe in. Even if they're not supposed to call it "high school outreach." To be able to share our experiences and stories with the next generation is as much education as what is learned in the classroom. I got a similar feeling when I voted, that I was speaking for what I believe in. When it's all boiled down, it's something more personal than political, another way to serve.
Back home. My life in Irvine is still a lot different than my life at home. I wish I could merge them together, but only time will tell. My image of family has changed so much in the past year. Sometimes I wish things were different and then I realize that I can't spend my time thinking about what could have been. A family is not only born out of love, but is shaped by the struggles and trials it goes through.
Benefit Concert runthrough. I usually come back to Irvine on Friday, but I really felt like I should be at the runthrough. I strolled in thinking it was half over (at 9:45pm), but hadn't even started yet. LOG turned LAG. We went well past midnight, but I've come to expect it. Those late nights, now without the burden of school, aren't stressful to me anymore. I think it's inseparable from the whole Benefit Concert experience. After most everybody left, we practiced our little group act out in lot 18D, and became Nspired. Mad corny.
Big screw-up at work and football at the park. I was supposed to pick Scott up in San Juan Capistrano because the school's bus broke down. For some reason, I was thinking I should get to his house to use their 4runner with the toll road transponder around 11:45, so I'd get there around 12:15. Why don't I write these things down? I didn't even get to his house on time, and when I realized my mistake, I felt so stupid. His mom was going to go herself, but I insisted, grabbed the keys, and rolled out. I couldn't see the transponder in the car, so I was kind of worried that maybe it was in their other car, so hopefully it was hidden in the back somewhere. That's a fatty ticket I think. I eventually got to the school and found Scott after walking around for 5-10 minutes. A whole fifty minutes late. When we got back, we played some football at the park with Scott's friend Casey and I practiced taking some action shots. I even let the kids have at it too. After trying to hit some balls over the retaining wall onto Jamboree with Scott, it was off to campus for the Benefit Concert.
Benefit Concert and IHOP. All the anxiety and nervousness melted away. Once I put it all in His hands, there was nothing else to do but sing to Him and share it with everyone there. I put my camera through a workout that night... 500 or so pictures. I wasn't really paying attention more than a few times and screwed up a few pictures, but it's all good. The images are not just on my computer, they're burned into my memory. I love Benefit Concert. There was the obligatory picture session (maybe an hour or so), clean-up (and it wasn't just a few people this time), and the race to IHOP. After the highs, I really mellowed out at IHOP. Maybe I just need to balance it out sometimes. I'm not used to being far on one side for too long. Plus, I knew the next day was going to be non-stop too. Breathe out.
Early work and pre-Gala arrangements. The mom of the kids I tutor called at during Benefit Concert and said she wanted me to come in at 9am on Saturday. I slept around 3 and luckily, Joyce and Arlene helped me wake up. They slept over after Benefit Concert before going back to San Diego in the morning. I thought I'd only be tutoring for two hours, but ended up tutoring for 2 1/2 hours. The minutes get longer the longer I tutor, so I was surprised I got through the morning without zoning out. Then it was all a blur. Picked up my suit, called Jill, went to pick up a shirt and tie, washed my car, cut my hair, and then rolled out, an hour behind schedule. Then I got mixed up and ended up deep into Garden Grove. When I got back on track, I had made a 30 minute detour. Geez. Freeway traffic before that was pretty ridiculous too.
Lost in Garden Grove and Medical Mission Gala. I finally picked up Jill around 6:45 and made it to the hotel around 7:00 or 7:15. We actually got there right as the rest of our table (LOG people) got there, so we all walked in and sat at the only open table in the room---right up in front. We rolled deep. Angie's talk really struck a chord. I'm going to apply when the scholarship opens up again. There are so many reasons--my deep desire to learn medicine on a personal level, my need to discover the culture which has played a major part in who I am, desire to understand what it is to life of abject poverty and unspeakable wealth of hope. PUSO Beat performed and I was thinking that even if I did perform with them, I'd be squatting on the side for 95% of the whole thing. We actually had plenty of time for dancing, but the djs weren't delivering like they should have. It felt like an early LOG banquet with all the Loggers there.
Forgetfulness and thunderstorms. When we finally left the hotel and got to the car (the parking structure was freezing and it was the rain was crazy outside) I realized that I forgot my camera bag. We walked all the way back and the PUSO peeps were still taking pictures. Back through the parking structure, we thawed out in the car and I dropped off Jill. She let me borrow the Freestyle and Side A album. I made my way back to Irvine through the on-and-off rain. There was a guy who hydroplaned and hit the center divider on the 73. Half of me was thinking to stop, but I wasn't really able to do much besides call 911. He was already out of the car when I passed him, so I guess he was alright. The rain poured from the sky and I cruised down University, wanting to take pictures. If it wasn't so late and if it has stopped raining, I would have pulled over and snapped away. I love it right after a rain at night. I kept driving and parking in front of Madrona and took some pictures through my windshield, worried that I might get my camera messed up if I took it outside when it was still raining. Then I had a feeling like I didn't want to get out of my car, because I knew it was all over. I hate that feeling. I didn't want to sleep, but I didn't feel like staying up either. So I just sat in my room for a while before I crashed.
Noon mass and Jack in the Box. I woke up unusually late, even for me. That meant I ended up missing choir practice, so I sat in the middle section with Derrick. I don't remember even sitting in the middle section, or at least right up in front. There was a ceremony with the catechumens, and it stuck me this time, because I felt moved to another place. To accept this faith for all its difficulties and struggles and to try and walk the path laid out for us is a beautiful thing. Afterwards, we rolled over to Jack. Food's a recurring focus for LOG.
Work and chilling at Shawshank. I couldn't join Marites on her dessert-drop-off in LA because I had to tutor. Work was challenging, as always. I'm not sure I was in the right mindset while I was there, so it took me an hour to get through one section with Scott when it should have only taken him maybe 20 minutes. Back at Madrona, I watched the Simpsons with Marites and GP before rolling over to Shawshank with Erwin and singing along to the slow-jam mega-mix in Marites's car. We caught the second half of Ocean's 11 before bouncing, but it was far, far better doing nothing with people around than by myself.
Exhaustion. I was a zombie and didn't sleep until 3, so I didn't wake up until 1. But I really needed all that rest.
Work and dinner. On Monday, I tutored the siblings and Peter. It was going pretty slow until I made Joseph laugh. Peter laughed too. I think I finally started to connect with them. Since I started tutoring Joseph, I hardly go much of anything out of him, but he actually seemed comfortable this time. It made me feel like I've gotten somewhere with him. The siblings' mom told me the sister used to cry when she had homework she couldn't figure out, but now she's getting more and more confident in a lot of the things she does in school. A half hour early, their mom called us down and she served everyone Korean food, in a kind of early Thanksgiving celebration. She tried to get the kids to talk, but they didn't have too much to say. I did get to see them joke around, and even though I couldn't understand 99% of what they were saying to each other, I didn't feel a bit uncomfortable.
LOG family potluck part 2. Still full from eating Korean food, I got a ride with the roomates to Albertsons to pick up the usual: Albertson's chicken. When we got to Shawshank at first, it was a sausage fest (quite literally... Angie just finished cooking some sausage). I shared and copied pictures from all the Shawshank inmates and after some video games, someone broke out the magic mic and it got crazy. I'm surprised nobody called the police. Erwin cried, David tweaked his knee a couple of times, and everyone fobbed out at least for one song. Crazy kids. I laughed til it hurt. Back at Madrona, I checked out the pics I copied from Angie and Frances and laughed even more.
And now I'm waiting to write the next moment into my memory.
God is my shepherd, my rock, and my shield. I will rely on the Lord.
